Frustrated by School

[admin]

My son is 8 years old and has a right brachial plexus injury. Tonight at school they held a Spring Concert. I didn't know what they were doing until we got there. His class sang a song which included much hand movement such as clapping hands together, slapping their legs and clapping hands with a partner. Obviously he could not come close to doing much of this. He felt that noone wanted to be his partner. They practiced ahead of time but with a different partner each time and tonight everyone grabbed a partner and of course noone picked him so he had to ask the teacher while this is going on who his partner would be. She did finally match him up with someone.

I feel this humiliated him and I just don't think she understands. I feel of all the songs she could have chosen that she didn't have to choose this one with all the hand movement required. I normally go with the flow and try not to let Riley's injury be a "big deal" but tonight this really bothered me. I am wondering if others feel I am overreacting. I am considering calling the teacher but do not want to make it harder for him. He is the only child at the school with a bpi and the only child ever that had this. I just feel it would be the same thing as if she had one child in a wheelchair and she chose a song that required the whole class to run around. I just don't see a need.

I am sorry to vent! I have not been on here for a long time but feel very sad tonight and had to share with some people who might understand.

[njbirk]

Pam,

I have no words of advice for you. I experienced exactly the same thing today myself at my grandson's pre school graduation. I am the one with the obpi and we were all gathered around singing together with a folk singer (it's a montessori school so nothing formal) and then they did these songs where you were a mountain and a sun and then what could I do, I felt so conspicuous not being able to do it, so I just bowed out and went to the back of the room with the ruse of wanting to take photos.

I just don't know the answer, sometimes I feel self conscious and other times I don't care. I have usually chosen the avoidance route but wish I had the confidence to not care.

All I can say is that I empathize totally.

Nancy

[jep98056]

Pam:
Your not overreacting and I think the teacher needs to be aware of how you feel. However, to minimize any complication for your son, I'd wait until the year has ended and arrange for a year end review of your son's progress. I'd bring up the Spring Concert as part of the review and point out the difficulty your son had with the performance. The question to be raised is whether the teacher was aware of your son's bpi and if so, why wasn't the program designed so his injury wouldn't become an issue for him?

Your right to avoid making your son's injury a big deal but you can also be an advocate when an ill thinking adult causes him embarassement.

John P.

[lucid_707]

I went through that such a close time back.
being only 24 I can still relate to know how it is to be a kid hek Im still one.but I know you must feel bad but did he feel very uncomfortable? We all have our limits we all don't climb the same mountains or fly planes .I even had to learn how to clap differently ...so what thats how I do it! ridicule will always be there and you cannot hide from it he will have to deal with it all the time.

Even though the teacher should of thought before she taught You can only assume she ment no harm... stay strong and look at what we can do instead of what we can't and we will all feel like superstars believe me..

[Michelle_16]

O MY!!! this reminds me of Christmas dance practice!!! geez is it the Gay Gordons or sumthin where the girl holds the guys hand above her head and she is spinnin around at the same time! OOOHHH! the frustration! i never got picked cos i couldnt do it! mind you...i made up for it during the other dances!!!

No i really do understnad the feeling of not wanting to be picked because you can do what ever is your supposed to be doing...and you jst know your "friends" are heading to the other end of the hall jst to avoid you for that very reason not because they're feet are falling the the opposite side and they really were tryin to pick you! And really there is nothin that can be done bcos kids will be kids and nobody wants the teacher to make a big deal about you getin a partner.

I think its one of those things...on the other hand i remember hidin behind gym equipment so i didnt picked cos i couldnt do and then sayin to the teacher " oh dear i dont have a partner, ill sit this one one out " its a two way thing, people in the class make you feel excluded then you excluded yourself because your scared no one will pic you.

Sorry if im babbling but iv never actually thought about it that way until now!

Michelle x

[Lindsey]

I understand how your son feels. I am 17, and when I was younger I took dance, gymnastics, karate, played softball...and in all of these things, I had problems with my arm. I still have some problems with it. I am very arts oriented, and I was in my school's honors theatre group this year. In one of the plays, we had some actual choreography where we had to dance among other things. One of the moves included shaking our hands in the air, which I of course couldn't do right. Nor did I look the same as everyone else when we put our hands on our hips. It's not a nice feeling, feeling like you stand out. All I can say is most people don't notice your arm unless you point it out to them. As for the partners, I don't know what to tell you. He and/or you could ask to do a "show and tell" about his arm for his classmates, which if nothing else might change any negative feelings/attention into interest.
Good luck, both to you and your son!

Lindsey

[admin]

I would post this on the General Message Board where all the parents hang out....you will get alot of suggestions and ideas there.....