Bullies in School

[admin]

I was wondering if any of your children have been bullied in school? How did you deal with it if you felt the school wasn't effectively handling, and controlling the situation?


thanks,
Gwen

[Francine_Litz]

With Maia - I've talked to the parents directly. So now the girls have stopped teasing her but they don't talk to her either.... just two boys. I tell her that two good friends is a great thing and to just have fun with them and enjoy her time with them. I have seen her teachers stop the kids from bullying her in the classrom. They use her as a scapegoat it seems - I've witnessed it over a dozen times now - and it's very upsetting. If the teachers didn't step in then I'd call a meeting with the director and work on getting it stopped OR in the worst case, I'd just pull Maia out.

I wonder what next year will be like - different environment and all. I'm hoping that there will be a less snooty continency there being that there will be mixed financial levels in the school (unlike this year).

My eldest was bullied in high school. She was so tormented by it - actually it was sexual harrassment - when she walked by this particular group they would pretend they were doing sexual acts and they would yell verbiage pertaining to a sexual act. I took it to the principal, to the administration of the district itself, and then finally I contacted the parents directly and wrote a very strong cease and decist letter and said that if need be, the police would be my next contact. Because it became sexually oriented I think I had a better chance of taking a very strong stand, police and all. In my contact with the parents I asked that they write a letter of apology to Adena and they did. One parent actually drove his son over to our home and made him hand it to her and apologize verbally, too. (bravo dad!) It never happened again and the boy that came over the house remained good friends with her.

Good luck!
-francine

[christy]

I don't have any advice on how to handle it. While Katie was being bitten quite a bit at one time and I had to speak up and remind them that injuries to her injured arm did not heal well and I expected for the situation to stop. But she wasn't the only child being bitten either so...

So far we have not had any problems with her being "picked on" due to her injury or sex. I am fairly certain that sometime in her life she will be (most kids get picked on for someething before they become adults) so I focus on helping her build a great self esteem and sense of self pride now in hopes that those adolescent years won't tear her down too badly. I think bullies pick on kids regardless of what they find to pick on and I we have to teach her how to deal with that and how to handle it. Plus I decided if all else fails and someone says something about her arm being different I am pretty sure I will teach her to walk away--and maybe in the process throw in the comment that yes her arm was different, it was injured at birth--so what happened to your brain?

I know I didn't help. But watching her in the classroom now I can see her pretty much taking care of her self, at least for the time being and that helped ease some of the worry about her being teased. Besides she has made great friends that jump right in the dog fight with her!

[marymom]

http://www.mothering.com/14-0-0/html/14 ... g106.shtml

Bullying is a societal issue I think...but I wont get into the whole philosophy aspect-
I remember once I went to the gymnastics place to check out my daughter's "bully" I had foiund a palm size deep purple bruise on her hip asnd she said a boy had kicked her, she had not reported it and at gymnastics she has no other siblings...
Funny, I remember telling this story to yall, my son went with and was ready to hop out and do the typical american male thing, kick the kids ...butt, but I led them in thinking of some alternatives and we went to talk to the director/coach, when we got to the place my daughter points out some kid I couldnt see to my son, he acknowledges her and tells her he already knows this kid and he causes problems alot at the elementary school...so immediately Ive got a mental picture of the "bully"-
well we get there and I ask the coach to let me show the boy Sarah's bruise and the kid walks up,
He has one arm, interestingly, not once did my kids consider including that in his description, anyways, I complimented him on his ability to kick and told him Id have a talk with his mom and then some if he ever kicked my kids again...and he didnt.I know all situations are not that easy tho-

[Joann (VA)]

I work with the Character Education Program at an Elementary School.

We teach our kids to:
1) Be assertive
2) Use an "I" message.
3) Tell the person to stop.
4) Get away from the person
5) Tell an adult.

Schools are legally bound to follow up on complaints of harassment. (On May 24, 1999, the Supreme Court ruled that school divisions may be liable for suit under Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 for cases involving student-on-student harassment.)

I would keep a notebook of times / types of contact that you have made with the school. This will be helpful if you find that you are not getting the help you need.

I would ask the teacher if he/she has talked about bullying with the class. (Including naming it and defining it). Has he/she read any books to the class about differences? Are anger management skills taught in the classroom? Is the classroom structured? What about Recess? Is tolerance / empathy taught? Is teamwork promoted? Is there a conflict resolution program in the school? Is the teacher a positive role model?

Below are some websites that may help:

Bullies: A Serious Problem for Kids
www.ncpc.org/10adu3.htm

Family.com
www.family.go.com

No Bully
www.nobully.org.nz/site.htm

Also try:

www.kidshealth.org
www.stopbullyingnow.com
www.cmhc.com

Good Luck!

[momintraining]

I too have had a simuliar incident, my daughter is bused to and from school. Everyday when she gets home I am waiting outside for her and i can see her sitting in the front of the bus next to the tiniest, most petite littlest girl I have ever seen, then one day she was no longer sitting there, she had moved to the back of the bus. I thought it was strange, so I asked about it and she kinda hem hawed around it, so I dropped it. about four days later she did end up telling me, the little girl sitting next to her kept pulling on her arm, pinching her, the final straw was the toy my daughter had that day she wanted so besides the usual abuse she took daily from this little bully, the girl actually slapped ,pushed and hit my daughter to get the toy and the bus driver decided to move her. I was in complete shock, and mad as you know what!, But what really hurt was she didn't want to tell me, I have come to realize that her wanting to be accepted, could play a part. Or that fact that she new what my reaction could be, well she was right. First of all I wanted to know why the bus driver didn't tell me about the incident. Secondly I reinforced that she should tell me if she is being hurt, no matter what, she doesn't deserve it and it is wrong, wrong wrong. The following day a asked the bus driver about it quitely without any other ears listening, and I was stumped again, The bus driver played it of as she didn't know what I was talking about. I asked if she filed a report and I'm guessing she didn't maybe thats why she blew it off.

[christy]

gosh, you guys did such a better job of this than me..thanks for sites!

[admin]

Thanks everyone for the great information.

I have a meeting with the school and superintendent of the school district for next Thursday. I'm definately going well prepared thanks to you all!


Gwen