Dentist Appt

[admin]

I went to the dentist today with my daughter who has a BPI. This was her 2nd dentist visit, but it was the first time for her at this particular dentist (although I had been a long-time patient of theirs until I had to change for a while due to insurance). Before the appt, I explained how I was going to have my teeth cleaned, etc. and she could watch and then she would have hers done. She asked her questions and was fine with that. (This is also the way we did it at her first appt and everything went well). So, we get there and they give me a patient info sheet to complete for her. I didn't fill it out until after my exam though because they were ready for me as soon as I got there. Well, it started off fine. Then, when it was time for them to take my xrays, I asked the oral hygenist to please have my daughter go out into the hall and she assured me that she was already planning to do that and was even going to let her push the button to "take my picture." So, that was fine. Then, while she was in the hall, I heard her and the other oral hygenist directing my daughter into the other woman's room. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked the hygenist about what was going on and she said that they were going to try it and I said NO that I didn't want them to do that and she told me, well, it might not even happen anyway but we're just going to try. I said, NO again. It was like her only concern was whether my daughter was okay with it or not. Excuse me, but she's only 3 yrs old! I think I'm still allowed to speak for her at times. (All the while I'm trying to talk while I have that thing in my mouth off and on while she takes the xrays) So finally I said, my daughter will probably be okay with this, but I am NOT and I do NOT want her in the other room while my teeth are cleaned and I want to be with her while hers are done! I really had to tell this woman a few times for her to get the picture. I also told her that my daughter had medical issues. So she said, oh well we need to know about that. No kidding! I was going to tell her and had I known they were going to bring her to another room I certainly would've said something, but at that point it was still my appt and there hadn't been any reason for me to speak up.

Anyway, so they brought her back into the room. Of course, she was confused then because she was telling me that she was going to another room and I said no you're going to stay here, etc. The rest of the appt went very well and the hygenist was very good with my daughter. She let her be a helper during my turn and talked her through everything when it was her turn and really made it fun. In the end, it was a good experience for her.

When I was leaving I talked to the receptionist who I've known for years. I told her how dissatisfied I was with the whole incident. One of the two dentists was at the desk and I'm sure he heard the whole experience too.

Don't worry, I'm almost done (thank you for your patience). So, I guess I'm posting here for two reasons -- to vent and to get opinions. Do you all think I was overreacting? I can understand that it might be easier for them if the parent is not in the room because I'm sure that some parents make matters worse and just get in the way. However, I knew my daughter would be fine with the appt (after 4 surgeries and many many other dr visits and therapy visits, etc., I think I'd know how she'd likely respond -- esp. since it wasn't her first dentist visit). I suppose I didn't "have" to be in the room with her, but it was my preference. Plus, I had already explained to her the way it would all work and I don't like being thrown curves like that. I also felt like it was really sneaky of them and if they'd just asked me rather than slipping her away, I would've had a much better feeling (alhtough I would've still wanted to be with her).

I plan to write to my dentist and share my feelings about the experience (including commendation for how well the hygenist interacted with my daughter). Do you think I'm overreacting?? Don't be afraid to tell me I am if that's what you think. Thanks for your views and for letting me vent.

[admin]

I prefer to be in the room with all my children when they get their teeth cleaned. In the past we have gone to a pediatric dentist and their "policy" is to have parents stay in the waiting room. They told me I didn't need to go back so I explained to them that my 7 year old daughter (non BPI) is extremely shy and felt uncomfortable with me not going back. I really didn't want to go into more detail in front of my daughter but she is also a nervous type child that dislikes change or anything new. So they turned to her and said "aren't you big enough to go back without Mom?" That made her feel embarrased enough to say yes and she went back without me. But as I was sitting in the waiting room I just kept getting more angry because I hate feeling like someone has run over me. So I just went back anyway and told my daughter I was going to stand right outside the little room she was in. I could tell that she felt better by the look on her face! I was not going to let them tell me they knew what was best for my child, I know my child best! The actual Dentist is wonderful and the kids love him but I can't stand the hygentist, all of them are like this! I don't know what I am going to do next time. If they act like this with my non BPI child what will they do with my BPI child who is at great risk for dislocation, will they listen to me then?

[Tammie]

I have a 10-yr. old and a 3-yr. old and I go in room with them. I would never have someone do this to me. Luckily, our dentist and the hygenists don't do this to us. I definitely think you should write your letter. They will know not to do that again, to you or someone else.

[admin]

I wouldn't put up with this, that's for sure! If a doctor's or dentist's office who care for children will not allow the parent's to go in...BEWARE! Every office should let the parent's go in with their child regardless of age! When I was small my dentist's office wouldn't let my mother in the back room. To make a long story short my brother and I came out from the back room after our cleaning appointments and told my mother about the smell of elephants. She asked what we were talking about and finally figured out that they were giving us the mask with nitrous oxide at this very young age. Needless to say once my mother found this out she went up to the desk and complained, not quietly, and all of the other moms in the waining room also agreed and all of us left. People were going into the back room removing their children from the chairs and everything. There was no need for this to happen. Every parent has a choice of using the nitrous oxide, but it was never brought up as to whether or not they would use it. At least a signature should have to be given. My daughter will be 4 in June and she has never had a problem in the chair. I would never agree to give her nitrous oxide anyway. She does just fine with me beside her. One time I had to get on the chair and have her lay on top of me!
Anyway, sorry that was so long,but for the parents who have a dentist who will not allow you in the back room...look carefully into everything!
In my opinion, if they don't let you in...What are they hiding?
Krista

[StaceyC]

I once saw a special on a local news station (I think I lived in Dallas at the time) and it showed children, very young children (2 or 3 perhaps) on hidden cameras in pediatric dentist's offices being treated really roughly, pushed back down into their chairs, yelled at, etc. None were actually hit or anything like that (that was shown), but the way they were treated was certainly abuse in my opinion. The Dentist is a scary thing anyway, so children are naturally going to be nervous and fidgety. I can only imagine it is worse when one of their parents isn't there. I would personally never allow my child to go back without me.

[francine]

ohmygosh- thanks for the heads up....I was talking to this one pediatric dentist that comes SO referred from everyone and they don't allow parents back with the child.... you have no idea how much you've all helped me today! She hasn't gone yet because I don't feel right letter her go in by herself. Thank God I didn't!!

[Anna]

We tried one dentist who wouldn't allow me to go back and I felt the same - I had explained everything, incl. that I would be there to hold her hand. Of course she wouldn't go and I didn't make her because I hadn't prepared her, so we just left (after arguing w/ her for awhile).My friend is a dental assistant and she said it's because they want to use a "papoose" (it's a restraint) and they don't want to tell you. We went through many dentists before we found the right one. I also would not want to allow her to go back alone (5 yrs old), and she felt much more comfortable w/ me there. (What, are they going to explain the whole thing to her and let her decide if she wants to have a filling or not?!). Unlike your dd, she is very wary because she has had so many invasive procedures (non-BPI but reflux) and she puts up quite a fight - def. NOT your "model patient". But I just KNOW she would be much worse w/o me.

We had a dentist doing exactly what was mentioned (but I couldn't leave because he was in the middle of filling her tooth). He was yelling at her and saying very gruffly "don't kick my chair" - well she wasn't kicking HIM and I felt what was it really hurting to kick the chair! The he had the nerve to tell me he wouldn't see her again unless she was in preschool (would take directions from another person - NOT WHEN YOUR TRYING TO HURT HER!). Needless to say we didn't go back. I should have known when I called ahead to see if they could sedate her, they said "oh he says just spank them". She's not openly defiant, she's just scared! When I talled to my dh (he's a respiratory therapist) about it, he said oh I've seen ER docs do that all the time - if they can scare them into submission or get them catatonic, it makes their job much easier.

Another friend told me about a ped dentist who also won't let the parents go back - her kids were teenagers before they could tell her - They said "oh he used to scare us and yell at us and if we would say "it hurts" - he'd just yell at us to shut up (instead of give more novacaine).

Anyway this dentist we just went to is wonderful (had to drive an hr, but worth it!). He specializes in special needs kids, autistic, etc. so I figured if he could handle them, he could handle my dd. They were great about explaining everything and had silly names for the instruments (Mr Thirsty Straw, Mr. Tickler) and showed her on her fingernails 1st. Unfortunately this experience was colored by the previous experience and she freaked out! So he feels she'll be better off at the hosp under sedation, so she associates that w/ there and so she doesn't remember that HE did it. Then he'll have time in future visits to make friends w/ her. He even stopped to come and talk w/ her in the play area after we were all done and had her smiling. He made the other guy look like he wasn't even a ped dentist! I wish we'd gone there in the first place and maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!

Anyway, I TOTALLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree w/ you. And maybe even though a portion of it was a good experience, maybe it would be a good idea to look around for another dentist (I think you'll never know until you actually see the "right" one). Or maybe see how you feel after writing the letter, see if you feel they treat you differently because they're upset you made such a "big deal"(in their eyes) out of it. Good luck!

[Tessie258]

O.K. This is so weird...I have had a run in with 2 different dentists about this!!! Our current dentist lets parents come in and even when my son was 3 he let him sit on my lap while he worked on him. He's great! Of the previous 2 dentist that I had problems with one allowed the kids to be video taped while the parents watched in another room and the other refused to allow me to be with my son and she screwed up my son's teeth!!! I won't go to another dentist that doesn't allow the parents in too...I think it is a new movement by dentist...Maybe they teach it in dental college now but it is wrong...Maybe when you call to make an appointment you should ask specifically if they allow parents in the same room.
T.

[Anna]

"arguing w/ her for awhile" - by "her" I meant the dentist, not my dd - I argued w/ her about my views on going back but she wouldn't hear of it. So I wasn't going to push my dd into that situation. I mean she's FIVE (actually was 4 at the time)!

[Anna]

Yeah, Tessie, I learned that from my experience! I had no idea it was a question I even needed to ask when making the appt (whether I would be allowed to go back)! But since then I have asked every time!