how do we recover...?

[F-Litz]

Kate,

You are both very lucky that you and your husband had the courage and faith and enough love for each other to take the first step into that program.

What a blessing.

-fran

[Carolyn J]

Congratulations Kate. I am happy for you both that your hard work is paying off.
Thank YOu for sharing.
Carolyn J
LOBPI/73+

[Master DIVER TOM]

I hope the way I responded will HELP???? I meet parents at a Chicago,BPI PICNIC years ago. I am glad I did because some parents did sit down with me to talk to them and there child. Some out here remember me???? I guess more would of ask if they new I was there to help??? ANYWAY

First, I had a mom working in the world of the 60s, She tried to support 3 kids in that time, my dad jump state so he did not have to pay Child support

I started work at 15 with birth erbs and FINDING A JOB I could do??? I did finish High school working in a gas station 4-12 but I did finish I did go to a art College and got a degree in Animation / Film making, I never became Walt Disney, O,Well.

There is no Dome and Glom, This is the same as I look at parents That go to help there Chid or a Person Trying to Overcome the issue of there limitation.

It more about trying , At 61, I NEVER have to look back and ask if I only tried to help myself more???

I hope to God you See the value of your effort no matter the outcome, the same way your child will try to Over come and Adapt to, There limitation .

I hope you might fell Better,???Maybe a little better by going to one of these Picnic???

I hope This Helps???? Sometime I fell like I entered no mans land????

Tom

[anotherbpimom...]

Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":


7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

______________________________________________________________________


It's 5 years later for me, and I'm still angry!! However, I've had to deal with all this myself. Use your anger and frustrations and grief to unite more powerfully as a team. It is something only the two of you can really understand on the same level, so use it as a bond. Find humor together in the most terrible circumstances. Look there and you will find a most powerful tool to use together. Use it with love and with a focus to make the world a little better than you found it. Yes, sick humor and positive intentions are both simultaneously possible. -All the best to you!

[Carolyn J]

Thank YOu for posting thisanotherbpimom... . I needed a refresher on this grief process because there is always something that pops up at the darnest times. I have learned that we don't go thru this process just once but several times in our life when we have the strength and courage to go thru rather that ignore the" work" of it.

HUggz,
Carolyn J
LOBPI/73+++