How to answer this question thomas asked? any suggestions

[carron]

[bWell as always I get the question every now and then mommy why is my arm different... I always told him God made him special like Nemo the fish it was his special arm some things you can't do and many things you can that others cant . Well I got the big question today mommy why won't God make this arm like my other arm....... I had to go off and cry how do you answer this he is only 9.[/b]

[karategirl1kyu]

mind you, nowadays, i dont believe i god, but as an example you could say "he wanted you to be special" my mother always told me that "god never gives you more than you can handle" i know the questions are difficult, and i probably asked them too when i was a child. some people are given advantages, some people are special. i think its better to be special i've always liked to be different, different can be fun.

[cdmurfee]

I always thought that everyone has to endure something very difficult at some point in their life, something to learn from and develope a stronger character through, and that BPI was my path to greater inner styrength and determination. If that helps, you can explain that he is learning that way head of the curve, and he'll be much wiser than others his age, and it will eventually benefit his life in ways he can't imagine yet. My arm doesn't work as well as most other people's arms, but I wouldn't trade my outlook on life for anything.

-Chris 25/LOBPI

[katep]

I have always told Joshua that his arm was hurt when he was born and it never got all the way better. Just the truth. And then I go cry somewhere else over how unfair it is. But I've never vented in front of him, never blamed the midwife in front of him (yes, she injured his arm, but she could have killed him instead). He understands that his injured arm is harder to make do things and doesn't work as well. This is just the way things are. He knows other people who don't have body parts that work exactly the way they are "supposed" to. His Dad has a mangled leg from a car accident, and he was around through all that. He comes across people with amputations and he asks if they were born that way or if it happened later. He's pretty matter of fact about it all.

We also have two sons through adoption, and one thing that adoptive parents are advised to do is to tell their children their "story" early and often (always being age appropriate, of course). That way, the parent gets practice at telling what could potentially be a very hard story, and the child never remembers "not knowing" they were adopted, and is thus never surprised by any big "revelation". I think that philosophy is good to apply with birth injuries, as well.

Kate

[brandonsmom2010]

Brandon came to me when he was four, it was after watching NEMO and he said, I ahve an arm like NEMO, why mommy. Well I told him he was injured at birth and that there was nothing mommy and daddy could to at that point. I also told him that we did all we could to make his arm like it was at that point. Brandon jsut turned 12 and he gets it. When kids make fun of him(Which they usually don't) he tells them what happened. Brandon had nerve and mod quad and has very good range and function, even throws right handed while playing baseball and does very well. I did alot of physical therapy with him when he was lttie and still do to this day. It is always something....He is the best wikndow washer I know....lol. I al always honest. A few weeks ago, while playing baseball he got hit by a pitch, right below his right scalpula(affected side) he was hurt bad, bruised within a minute, he sat and cried on the bench and when I asked him if it hurt, he said no mommy but you did everything you could to make my arm work, I hope that bad pitcher didn't screw it up !!! So there it is, honesty....it may make them sad, but they get over it and move on.

Gayle

[Kath]

There was never a time when I did not know that I had a birth injury and that the doctor who delivered me pressed to hard and injured my arm. That is what my Mom told me, she never vented or said a bad word about the doctors. She told me she was so lucky that I was only injured and that I could do anything I put my mind to doing. She did not ever blame God or say why me... the answer to that is why not me?... She cried alone and encouraged me and enabled me to be all I could be. It is important to be open and honest about our injury so that we always know it's an injury (not a defect) and nothing is hidden from us. We are different, we will always be different and that is fine and we are fine! Everyone has something only with us you can see it. Please don't be afraid to explain how he was injured at birth and that with lots of hard work he has been able to over come so many things and he will in the future still be able to over come tough stuff because he is strong and persistent and very capable.

When I was in 4th Grade a very nasty girl, in my class, began to tease and make fun of me and she got others to join her... My teacher, Sr.Mary Frances, sent me on an errand to the principals office. While I was gone she spoke to the entire class and told them that should be jealous of me because God choose me to be special. I was HIS special child because I was different. I found this out from one of the other kids later on but it stopped the teasing and mocking immediately that year... It made me feel so good about me because she told me I was special and God allowed me to be HIS special child. This woman was considered too old to teach, probably in late 60's... but she was there for a special reason and there for me. It was not my Mom saying this, so it was a very big deal to a 4th grader. She is still a very special person in my heart and prayers. That was my first experience, or the first one I remember, of having a group gang up on me and taunt me.


There will always be tough times for children who are different but we learn to overcome them by understanding what happened to us and by working on each problem as they come along...
Sorry this is so painful for mothers and I never realized how painful it was for my Mom until I met so many parents who share here on the message boards... thanks for sharing it gave me a deeper understanding of my Mother.

[carron]

Thanks Kath, I have always told thomas he was special , uniqe, very smart child.. He knows he was hurt and his scars are were they tried to fix his arm and therapy is to make it sronger. It was just the fact he wanted it to be just like his good arm. Thomas is a very very smart child almost to wise for his age. He thinks things out to be only 9. He wants to get on the monkey bars at school and do so many things I have never tried to stop him he tries and sees what he can and can't do.
I guess as a mother you want to fix things this is one that will never be... but I keep that to myself he has never heard me talk abouth his doctor who hurt him I have always thought to myself he is alive and thats what keep me from being mad cause so many other things could have gone wrong..
well I vented enough thanks to all who have read.....

[Carolyn J]

"We are different, we will always be different and that is fine and we are fine! Everyone has something only with us you can see it. Please don't be afraid to explain how he was injured at birth and that with lots of hard work he has been able to over come so many things and he will in the future still be able to over come tough stuff because he is strong and persistent and very capable." ...Kath (thanks .

Carron, I never got these words said to me but... I've said them...somewhat similar but Kath always says it best.... to my son,[now 39], who was born with multiple disabilities & anomalies(corrected with 13 surgeries before age 18 n now a f/t WA state employee who supports me in my old age .


Your dear Treasure of a son will be just fine as we all become n find our way.
HUGS...Hugs Heal!
Carolyn J
LOBPI/72