trying to have another child

[admin]

Have any of you had problems getting pregnant after the birth of a BPI child? getting pregenant happened easily with our first child.(go ahead and laugh, I can't think of another way to word it other than it didn't take very many attempts.) I had a lot of pain and discomfort after the birth, but was assured by the doctor that erverything was fine "down there". I have scheduled an appointment with my new doctor and I am getting really worried about what could be wrong.

[cybermomx4]

Stress could be wrong....if you have stress or are stressed out, you could have a hard time getting pregnant. I know the BPI parents are never stressed out....lol, so that could be your problem.... relax and don't worry, it will happen

[freddysmom]

I agree that stress is probably not helping, sometimes we don't even realise we are stressing. Could you be worried deep down about your previous birth? maybe that could be making you stress a little - have you talked to your ob/gyn about the next delivery?, maybe if you get some reassureance about the delivery first, you can then work on the getting pregnant bit LOL
good luck, sub-fertility is no joke- my thoughts are with you.

[admin]

I also got pregnant easily (I mean way easy!)with my two boys, second is the bpi. Now we have been trying to have a third for three years and are getting ready to do IVF. Good luck to you.

[mom_2x_2002]

I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But my hubby and I have been trying for 13 months to have another child. We have 2 my first one didn't take long either. I am tring different kinds of fertility things. I was told something once. If it doesn't happen the 1st yr of tring most likely it will have the next. I sure hope so.

[admin]

**ADULT CONTENT**

I too am having problems getting pregnant after the birth of our child with a bpi (our first baby). It didn't happen easily with our first child though. I had to use clomid with our first baby. This time around, I've tried the clomid and it hasn't worked so we're going to see a specialist soon. For me, I'm sure stress is a factor as well as my weight -- which are both related. It's such a hard cycle to overcome. For me, it's frustrating when people say oh, just relax or just stop trying and it'll happen. I don't know exactly what that means to stop trying and it'll happen. Hello?? Am I missing something?? Perhaps those comments are well-meant expressions by people who just don't understand (much like some of the comments that we have to deal with about bpi's from people who are clueless, but mean well) so I don't get offended.

Here's another problem I have and I hope you don't mind me "piggy-backing" on your post, but I didn't know quite how to post this in its own thread. It's very difficult to even type this, but I'll do my best. Does anyone else have difficulty having intercourse after a bpi birth? It took me a long time before I was even ready to try to have intercourse again and we really had to take it slow. Well, it's been years and I still get scared. I think it's a fear of ripping open again after the tear and episiotomy I had. Maybe it's a ridiculous fear, but at the time it always seems very real to me.

I also recently realized something. Since early on in my research, I felt that I would want a c-s the next time around due to risk of another baby being injured. Well, I now have thought about it more and realize that it's not only fear of a baby being injured that would scare me, but I can't imagine ever having a vaginal birth again due to fear of the injury to myself as well. Is that selfish of me to feel that way?

Louise wrote "enjoy the act every time." For me, that's just not a reality at this time, but hopefully it will be again someday...

[francine]

Dear 'another guest',

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such difficulties.

I believe that what you are dealing with is post traumatic stress disorder. You've been traumatized by your birth and the outcome of that birth.

I believe that because you have brought this out in the open that you are now seeking help - that you need to also seek out professional help. There are many layers to this that both you and your partner will have to work on and it takes time but if you both have the same goal in mind, you WILL be successful in coming through this. The fear will be eased, the trauma will be relieved and happiness will be part of your every day lives again. IT IS POSSIBLE. I never thought it was possible with me - thought I was just going to permanently be sad and oppressed but I'm coming out of it now.

The other professional I think you should consider is an incontinence specialist. Whether you are incontinent or not - this professional will teach you how to exercise and become more aware of your pelvic floor muscles. You need to heal that area physically and emotionally - you need to trust that it will be ok for you. And your husband needs to learn more about this so that he can work with you on this. Hopefully in a short time, you can work through all of this and your relationship will be normalized and without anxiety.

Once you have some healing and ease has returned you will probably find yourself more relaxed and 'ready' to have another child and it should happen more easily.

Good luck,
francine

[admin]

To the post above that talked about problems with intercourse. It is not good for me any more. I grin and bear it because I want to please my husband and have another child but the sensation is a lot different and not enjoyable any more.

[freddysmom]

In my experience talking to others in this situation, you are NOT alone.
Have you been to see a gyn about the problem? my friend had lots of problems with intercourse following her delivery of a 12lbs baby and eventually saw a FEMALE ob/gyn and had some plastic surgery to cure her problems.
She's now VERY happy and so is her partner
it might be worth seeing a female rather than a male Dr to check yourself out.