Appt with OBGYN who decided to injur Ashley

[marymom]

ok
I agree that you shouldnt go too...
but
it seems a bit harsh to say he "decided to hurt"-
... I understand that you mean by his decision to not have the C section...
You might want to consider the wording tho-

[Elisa]

Lenni,
I would drive to hell and back also. There is no way I could ever do it. Do you feel you have to? If so, why? I think a few hour drive would be worth it, if that is what it takes. Legally it is a bad idea if that is even a possible issue, but for me my heart just couldn't take it. I couldn't deal with her not acknowledging the seriousness of the injury, not taking responsibility, brushing it off, etc. And once I got the records which were full of lies I was disgusted and heartbroken. Someday she will hear my story and she will know the pain she has caused, but it sure won't be with me in her office as a patient. Follow your heart and if it doesn't feel right, don't go!

Elisa

[Lenni]

Hi all, thank you for your opinions! The drive out of town would be 15 hours round trip.........you can't do it all in one day and the cost of a hotel, 4 ferry rides and misc expenses is about $500. If I were rich I would do it but just cannot and here in Canada, insurance does not pay for you to travel if there is a Doctor in town.

Marymom............why should I rethink the way I worded things? He is the Doctor that decided I did not need a c-section? He knew I had a small pelvis and had told the staff to expect a c-section. As I far as I am concerned it was his choice. What about this coment upsets you? Sorry to offend but these are my feelings, I own them cannot change them, and am not responsible for yours.

Lenni

[Joy in FL]

Hello Lenni,

I have no point of reference here. I am TBPI so I have no idea what you must be feeling. But did think I would say this to you..... Good Luck. This can't be an easy decision for you. Having lived in a rural area I know about the lack of medical staff. There are times we truly do not have a choice.

I was wondering if you will be going to the appointment alone? Do you feel you need someone else there with you for moral support? Have you made any plans for after the appointment if it does not have a positive outcome.. ... like time alone to cry... being able to find a friend for a hug... a good stiff drink.

Honestly, I am thinking regardless of how the appointment goes.... positive or negative, perhaps plan on coming home and take a nice long bubble bath as a reward. Because I think you deserve a reward, Lenni. It takes a great deal of courage to confront the doctor that did this.

Let us know how things go.

Joy

[marymom]

youre right, you are not responsible for my feelings and I dont want you to reword them for me, youre also right in that I do have a personal"feel" about this,admittedly...
I must say as a birth attendant that if I was a primary care attendant, or even if I wasnt the primary attendant...and something happened because I made a choice that was not the best one in that situation, it would NOT have been because I had "decided to hurt" anyones baby, it was simply not the best choice...
NOONE can promise you a perfect birth outcome.
but you have every EVERY right to say what you think in however way you want to say it, I just wanted to share my opinion, Pewrhaps I should have worded MY comment differently...thanks for sharing your opinion with me we dont need to agree, but talking like this is healthy
I hope that you are somehow able to resolve the Dr thing, My sis lives out on an island where you have to travel by ferry to get to a hospital and unless women are having homebirths...(I think most do but thats another story)they also have to travel off island altho not quite so far as your trip...
On a different note...The new ACOG statement should make you feel better, that every woman that has had a prior dystocia and requests a C section should get one is basically what it says...I think anyways, (there was a post from an atty last week on this board that tells about it) bright blessings whatever you do~m

[marymom]

ps, I just read Joy's post and I wholeheartedly agree.

[Lenni]

Thank you for clarifying your view Marymom! Makes it a hole lot easier to digest now!

Lenni

[julieanddean]

I also live in a rural area but am blessed to have some choices within an hour's drive. We didn't go back to the doctor who delivered my son after we brought him home from the hospital. One thought: is there a general practitioner or family practice doctor you could see instead of the OBGYN?

[TNT1999]

I liked the thought of going to a family dr in place of an OB/GYN, unless of course there's a particular concern you have that you feel needs to be addressed by an OB/GYN. Another thought is that if you just need a dr. to go to for annual checkups, do you have family out of town that you go visit at least once a year? Maybe there's a dr. near a family member and you can work that into your visits. Just another thought. -Tina

[Elisa]

Hello Mary & all,

Here is my two cents, since I do feel talking and sharing one's perspective is healthy. I can respect that we are all entitled to our own opinions, and I am very thankful that this board allows us to each share our unique perspectives. Mary, I have valued your input and all the insight that you bring, however on this issue please respect my opposing view. First off, in my profession I work with populations that may include people who are depressed, suicidal, abusive, etc. It IS, and I repeat IS FULLY, my responsibility to provide the best care possible. This means that I need to be fully educated, trained, aware of potential warning signs, able to make accurate assessments, etc. etc. I HAVE to be skilled and if I get over my head I have to get immediate help. That is my ETHICAL and PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBLITY. Peoples well being and lives can at times literally count on me! A scary place to be, but it comes with the territory and I BETTER be prepared. Likewise, doctors and midwives darn well BETTER be prepared. They have a professional obligation to be skilled and trained. For Goodness sake, they are delivering babies and bringing precious new life into this world. There is a standard of care that MUST be expected from them. The statement "it was simply not the best choice" seems like way too simple of a statement for me. Nothing is that simple. We as professionals are PAID and EXPECTED to be trained and skilled enough to make the best choices. If my husband makes bad choices and doesn't follow building codes and the building he builds collapses, it is much more than simply not making the best choice. He would have performed his job wrecklessly and irresponsibly, and he would have endangered lives and SHOULD be fully liable. In particular professions, lack of skill and training IS in my opinion almost like "deciding to hurt someone". We can say unintentionally, but as a professional you have the obligation to know your stuff and know it well. For most of us our doctors or midwives failed to meet the standard of care. Period.

Sorry to go off, please know this is just something I feel strongly about. When your work involves peoples lives in your very own hands, you CANNOT afford to simply not make the best choice.

Thanks for listening my take on things. I look forward to chatting soon!

Elisa