I did it

[anony]

I went to the doctors today and got me some antideps. Never thought I would do it but I couldn't cope anymore. I'm tired of being sad, feeling guilty, and always in tears and most of all out of control. I usually have a good grip on myself but seems like the tears have been coming more often. i don't talk about my feelings to my family or friends. maybe I should. Sometimes my anger and frustration consume me and I end up hurting the persons I most love either thru actions or words. I remember when I used to be so carefree, fun, happy and always laughing. How I long to be happy again. I was prescribed lexapro. i hope it works seeing as how frequent baths, workouts and time to myself were only temporary distractions from my deep pain. Some days I play to our hearts content with my baby, other days I just hold my baby and cry and tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am. I know its not my fault he is injured I did not pull him out. but that still does not stop the pain. I have this problem of crying in front of other people. I always need to be strong in control of myself. Maybe that is why i don't talk of my feelings to anyone. I did today to my family practitioner. i went in for weight loss help, we began to talk and she asked what kind of stress I had that is making me gain weight. I told her about my child while I cried. So along with my diet pills she gave me month supply of antidep pills. i go on frequent drives alone and cry, scream, yell. Why when I go to the store to buy my baby a toy, a simple little toy I always have to think "will this be good for therapy?" When I buy clothes-will this be easy to alter? One arm is bigger, I used to fold the sleeve up but that attracted too many questions and attention so now i sew them up. How will I get rid of the clothes in a garage sale if one arm is longer? I hope the pills take effect soon. Love you all, thanks for listening. ANONY(mous)

[annedefiance]

((((anony)))) it's hard, i know, but you've taken a huge leap to get better. no matter what, you know we are all here for you.
Anne

[Mommyanders]

I can totally understand these feelings. I went through a breakdown myself and ended up in the hospital. I am now taking maintenance mood stabilizers and going to a counselar every month. The counseling has really, really helped me. Maybe you can talk to someone like that. It's helped me to heal from Caleb's injury and many other heart breaks in my life. Hugs to you and I hope you will be better soon. You are prayed for tonight.

Kari

[Dawn]

I'm glad you did something to make yourself feel better. Usually antidep pills take at least a month to kick in, so just give it time, and with time you'll feel much better. Hang in there, you've been through a lot. I have a friend on lexapro, she likes it, she said it's not a feel good drug but it helped her to feel like herself again.

[francine]

It took you a lot of courage to seek out some help and it took a lot of courage for you to tell us about it. Thank you for posting this because it will help a lot of other women who feel the same way as you.... including me. I hope you feel some peace soon so that you can get on with the good things in life - your baby. And I also hope that in time you will work on all the pieces so that you don't need to carry this burden with you for the rest of your life. I just recently (after all these years) figured out the guilt piece for me and it was mind shattering and freeing at the same time. Time WILL heal where you are at emotionally - maybe never completely - how can we ever really be the same people we once were.

Big hugs to you. I hope every day you feel better and better.
-francine

[sunflowers]

OH, My, this is so familiar... I AND my husband were so depressed... and no one was there in the medical com. to help... "baby blues" they called it....

It lasted 4 years almost cost us our marriage..
I finally got someone to listen and got antideps.

I am so glad you got help. please.... keep trying.

God Bless

Mike is eleven now and things are great...
I know it feels like it will never end... but there is a light on the other side...

[sunflowers]

sorry,
I just read it and had to add,
It didn't sound...

I want you to know we all can at least relate.. it is much more that babyblues.. and we all know it

I just thought how callus it was that NONE of the MEDICAL people would see that there was ALOT more to it
than hormones.

[Missy K]

You're not alone! I've been in your shoes too. There were many days where I have felt completely out of control, so sad, so overwhelmed and almost as though I was having an out of body experience.

I was put on Prozac which helped some and now am on Wellbutrin which is helping A LOT. There is no shame in getting help for yourself. The mommy is more often than not the cornerstone of the family. It's a lot to bear, especially is situations like ours.

Good for you for doing this for yourself. In a few weeks you'll begin to feel better. If you want to email me privately about anything, feel free to do so.

Take care of yourself and give the meds a little time to work.

Missy

[Kathleen M]

I am so glad you have a place to come with your feelings and that your doctor understand how much pressure you are under...

I am not only obpi but also a Mother and worry about our children can sometimes overwhelm us...

Feel happy soon... I pray that joy comes back into your life.

Kath