what to do???

[francine]

Ashlie - can you please post your email address so that I can respond privately?

Thank you.
-francine

[Ashlie]

aslie_me@yahoo.com

[Nettie]

I guess my question is, what did he say when you asked him why he didn't want to go. When this happens to us where our children don't want to go to therapy, there is usually a reason and when we figure that out, we can usually fix it and then they will go. I do agree that a child has to have a degree of say and I would give it a break, but I know that my daughter has had kidney problems and has not liked or wanted some of the treatments and sometimes I just have to say, I know that it is uncomfortable, but we need to do this to make you better. We do want to give choices, but do need to do what is in the best interest of our children, even though it may be unpleasant at times. Best of luck to you and let us know what happens.

[phaliscak]

We have done the same approach as Nettie and Ashlie. If there is a reason Michael doesn't want to go we usually find out what it is and fix it. Usually it's just bordom like Francine said so a change in therapy or a choice of what he would like to do first helps. Other times he needs help from a parent to focus on his therapy. Some days are good, some bad. I would like to think we have a healthy parent to child relationship. He gets his choices, but he does not control.

[Joy in FL]

Too funny Ashlie! I use to say that exact thing to my son. I would point at myself and go, "Parent" then point and him and go "Child". Once he got the point he would say it to me! LOL

I always got grief for being rough on Adam. But let me tell you what my son will be 19 in December. He graduated from high school with honors, he is an Eagle Scout, he works part time and attends college full time. He has a wonderful personality, with a strong sense of right and wrong. He knows how to respect people as well as get the respect he has earned. I have never had to worry about how he would behave when I was not around. Adam has never had anything handed to him. As a matter of fact Adam did not get his drivers license until this last summer. Why? Because the agreement was he had to pay for the insurance. The job he had in high school would not cover the insurance. So Adam did not drive until he was 18. There are just somethings you don't want to compromise on.

I understand where you are coming from. When people told me I was to strict I just held my head high because I knew I was doing what was right for my child. It paid off for me.

Joy

[marymom]

I would follow your gut...My first gut reaction was that maybe he isnt feeling good that day, you mentioned he was puking? Sometimes that really messes with them? But if you posted here about it than you are thinking maybe its time for a break maybe? What will it hurt, is it a kidney? Will he lose his arm? Did he just have surgery and is it really really going to make a difference? Can you do the same thing at home(youd be surprized) in the bath tub or at the play ground...
That said, time constraints on the average american family make it so difficult for moms to do home/lifestyle therapy, I respect the needs some parents have to do formal therapy-
ahhh you will do whatever feels best for you and your son that fits your lifestyle, parenting and needs, and it will be okay...
Definately talk to him and get himn to share his feelings tho, regardless of your decision it will be important for him to share with you how he is feeling(in my opinion)
actually the therapist should be doing that too- Thats another good piece of advice I think...ask the therapist what she thinks too.

[francine]

Although we are getting into parenting issues here.... I think it's important for children to have boundaries (I too have a 21 year old)

BUT

this is a different scenario with different stresses and it's ongoing...it's not a bad thing to be a bit flexible when it comes to therapy - kids get burnt out! My worry is that if you burn them out early - they won't want to continue as they get older and it's really going to be important for them to keep a steady progress on moving their arms for the rest of their lives. Just remember the 'big' picture.

[admin]

Okay, I agree with Francine, that if you burn him out too quickly he will never want to go. I also agree with the concept of is it life threatening? No. Is it necessary. Yes. Can it be done later with the same effect, probably not, but if he is burnt out that doesnt' help either !!!

[phaliscak]

Maybe Kathleen and the other adult BPI can shed some light on this. Do you guys think that your parents contributions to your therapy paid off in the long run? My thoughts are this. Get them into the habits of using both arms, combine it with therapy to help with the growth spurts and maybe just maybe when they reach adulthood and their bodies stop growing they would have developed good habits with their BPI arm and continue therapy on their own. What was going through your heads when you were children and hated therapy? Do you have any advice to give us ?

Patty

[Ashlie]

You asked for my email adress, yet i still have no mail.

Thanks to all who have seen my point. LOL and when it gets 'sassy' at my house, i say. 'excuse me? do you have any kids i dont know about?' and we giggle and then have our little talk. Ashlie