Frequent lurker here

[Bonnie]

Hi everyone.

I know you all fairly well but you don't know me very well. I lurk often but rarely have the time/energy to post.

I am having an extremly emotional day today. I am off to Toronto again with Avery for her final assessment for nerve transplant surgery. She was 9 months old on the 18th.

I never know how to feel. Every time I go they have booked surgery just in case. I think it's getting harder for me. I never know if they'll say "This is the time".

I am a wreck. I am usually a very strong person and rarely cry but today I just keep bursting into tears.

I am a single mom with a 4.5 year old too. I am tired. My parents are awesome but they're not my spouse. kwim?

I am going through all the emotions that I'm sure you're all familiar with - worry, hurt, anger, resentment (toward the absent father, doctor, nurses...). Now, to top it all off, I am so scared about the actual surgery (if she has to have it). Avery is allergic to milk, penicillin and eurethromycin. I am so worried that something'll happen during all the surgical stuff too. She seems to be really sensitive.

I really have no one to talk to. No one who really understands...my sister and best friend aren't moms and my mom's a "fixer" and will want to just come with me. I really don't think that's what I need.

I don't really know what I need. For Avery to be 100% better and for all this to be over, I guess

Thanks for *listening*.
Bonnie

[Lenni]

Hi Bonnie, I really don't have much advice but I am so sorry to hear you are having such an emotional day!! Would a nice hot bubble bath help? Perhaps not thinking about surgery and allergic reactions until you receive the surgery news would help?

These are trying times to be a parent, especially a single parent but rest assured you are not alone. I will be thinking about you and your children and wishing you the very best!

Lenni

[jennyinsandiego]

Bonnie,
First of all {{{{BIG HUG}}}}}!
It is really hard. I don't have anyone who "gets it" either. My DD is having surgery next week. My mother's way of helping/coping was to book a trip to Las Vegas. Probably better in the long run. Posting is the right thing, everyone here is so great about understanding and support. I'm a pretty jaded person but I have been consistently amazed at the caring and support here.
Jenny

[tina arvizu]

Bonnie, I'm sorry you are so down. Most of us here know just how you feel. My daughter Gabrielle is allergic to milk, penicillin and all sorts of stuff. At only 2.5 she has had primary surgery, Mod Quad, Tubes and adnoids surgery and just last Wednesday we were in the emergency room, she had colic. Her allergies have never played a part in her surgeries. She has alway done so well. Very very well I must say. So I hope you can take that part off your mind. There is no way to prepare yourself for surgery you just have to get through it. I think the babies do better than the parents!

[Bonnie]

Thanks for responding. I'm not a bubble bath type of person (don't really have the time anyway) thanks though.

I have tried to not think about the surgery - it might not happen and it doesn't really help to worry anyway. The trouble is that if she has surgery, we will stay in Toronto and I may be gone for up to 3 weeks.

I live in Saskatchewan and it's a 3+ hour plane and 45 minute bus ride.

I sort of have to prepare for possibly being away for 3 weeks! Yuck!!

I think that's a lot of the emotional strain - not being able to prepare for a 3-day trip for an assessment or for a 3 week trip for assessment, tests and surgery!

Thanks again

[Lenni]

Bonnie, I apologize for misunderstanding your post. I did not realize that the surgery would be an either or thing. Good luck to you in any case.

Lenni

[Kathleen M]

Bonnie

I wish I had a magic wand and could help you through this time... It must be so hard not knowing... I think that is the worst... you just don't know what to prepare for so it leaves you very anxious...

I am obpi and I know that mother's do the best then can... and I am sure you will too...

I will keep you in my prayers... please post when you can and let us know what happens and how YOU are doing too... glad you were able to post this time... it really helps all of us to help each other

Kath

[francine]

Bonnie - Louise took the words out of my mouth. I couldn't have said it any better. I will keep all of you in my prayers and hope that things go well. Safe trip there and back and for surgery and recovery if it's necessary.

Because you are a single mom, there may be some special hospital services that you can tap into - like having someone come to your daughter's room to be with her so you can take a bathroom or food break.

Please keep in touch with us if you can while you are there - we may not be there with you physically but we are certainly here for you in all other ways.

Big Hugs,
you take care of yourself, too,
francine

[marymom]

holy moly...3 weeks? errrrr, not much but a big hug for ya- and prayers
blessings of recovery, patience and strength.