Need this poem asap

[admin]

Probably people comment because these message boards are read by people who have obpi and if they find something offensive TO THEM they have a right to say so. Their comments do help parents understand how their children may feel about this in the future. If people do not comment (and no one has been rude) how will parents gain the insight they need to help their older children come to terms with how this injury has affected their parents? And understand why some people find it offensive? A differing opinion is not a personal attack and people should not take it that way.
Posting as guest to avoid fallout because I have a different opinion!

[CW1992]

Well LeeAnn, I responded because I thought about how my daughter might feel if she were to read this poem. Would she assume that I was disappointed? That I learned to love her ANYWAY???? I want it clear to my daughter and also let other older OBPI's know that not all parents feel this poem relates to how they feel about their children. I would not want my daughter to ever ever get hurt by a misunderstanding like this one. I thought we were all having a nice discussion about how this poem made us feel. Why did you feel the need to put a damper on a good discussion?
Christy

[Kathleen]

LeeAnn

I wrote my answer from the point of view of an OBPI because that is who I am. the first time I read this I was shocked and felt very sad... because I am an obpi and now.... I feel the same.... I love to read but this poem made me sad and hurt and I know other obpi/adults who feel the same way... as you are the parent... you may view it another way... I expressed my feelings... as we all do when someone posts on any subject....
When asked how I did or did not do something I answer and when this poem appears I feel the same way...

Pretend that you are obpi... you have dealt with the world ... your parents were great .... they loved an supported you all your life no matter what the world said or did to you.... and then you open their personal papers and find this poem..... trust me it would hurt to feel that all the positive love and support was a cover up for being disapointed that you were not the "perfect physicial being they expected" and everyone else got that perfect person.

Kath

[LeeAnne]

The reason for the damper is the fact that someone made a request. Apparently they wanted the poem for some reason. Do they have to be made to fell guilty for something they enjoyed?

[LeeAnne]

I guess I keep looking at it from a different perspective that applies to all, not singling out disabilities. Do any of you remember the dream you had before your first child was born, of the perfect life? Visions of holding your sweet infant, feeding them, talking baby talk, having your house clean and meals cooked for your mate as they walked in the door.(Italy?) Just everything peachy keen. Then what happened? What was reality? The baby wanted to breast feed every 2 hours so you felt like a milk cow with your tits hanging out 24 hours a day, you were lucky to get out of your night gown and get your teeth brushed and hair combed somedays, the housework was piling up, meals were becoming take out unless you were lucky and some friends brought some over, the baby cries alot or has their nights and days mixed up, two o'clock feedings you're trying to stay awake so you won't drop the baby and your rocking your brains out, and though you love the little darling to death and want to hold it all the time, and protect it from everyone, this just isn't exactly what you thought parenthood was gonna be, but yet for all the trouble your kids cause growing up you wouldn't trade it for the world, and some of you older ones just remember the good times. Not the bad ones your kids tell you about.( Holland maybe?) This is what I get from this poem and to tell you the truth I don't know why I'm bothering to post this cause it doesn't matter.The original poster got her request.

[CW1992]

Lee Ann, I realize that the poster just wanted the poem - I never asked her why - that's her business and I'm glad that Jennifer was able to help her. I also know that this poem has different meanings to different people. I like discussing our feelings about the topics posted - thought that was what this board was about. I'm not really sure why you took offense to the rest of us having a discussion about this poem. I liked hearing everyone's input. I do not see why the poster would mind us discussing this poem so I don't understand why you do.

I also wanted to add that of course this poem surely can relate to the feelings of a new mother - - but being as this is a forum about our feelings about brachial plexus injuries couldn't it be assumed that this poem is refering to a mother's feelings after the birth of having an injured child? That is why I posted the original post.
Christy

[Paula]

This is MY interpretation of this poem. Yours may differ and that is fine. The first time I read it I cried because yes I expected an uninjured child. But I cried for my childs loss, not mine. To me he is perfect, injury and all.
JMO

When you're going to have a baby, You buy a bunch of baby books, think of names and make your wonderful plans. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the baby is born. The doc comes in and says, "You have an injured child." (skipping the part where he tells you that it well get better in about 6 weeks-just had to throw that one in!)

What do you mean I have an injured child? I'm supposed to have a perfect child! All my life I've dreamed of having a perfect child?
But the plans have changed and I now have an injured child.
But things could have been worse.
Now we have to learn to do OT, PT and how to handle the baby so that we don't cause further injury. We join support groups and have picnics with other injured babies and adults.
Our babies are different. They learn to do things at a slower pace than others do. But after you get into the routine of OT/PT/surgeries, you catch your breath look around and begin to notice that your child has a beautiful smile and is very stubborn. He struggles with everyday tasks but doesn't give up. He makes you proud.
But everyone you know is having their perfect babies and they are all bragging about their perfect child and you think to yourself "yeah I was supposed to have a perfect child also, but instead my baby was injured".
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream "the perfect child" is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get your perfect, uninjured child, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about your injured child.

[aliwarren]

Hi I need to put my 2 cents worth in here. I personally loved the poem. I am not a mother of a child with this injury I am an adult with a right TBPI, & I feel that the poem is saying that whatever our hopes or dreams may be for whatever in life, that the outcome we expected may not always be that, life sends us curve balls all the time, & what the poem is saying to me, is that instead of moping about what we had anticipated was going to happen & it didn't, that we re-evaluate our hopes & dreams as things happen to us, and if there is a need, that we need to be adaptable and change our course - don't get stuck on the what if's.

I think that all the posts are valid, if ya didn't like the post that is what it says to you, but I don't believe one should lambaste anyone for posting their views on this site. Lee-ann was voicing her opinion, yet you all felt the need to attack her - aren't we here to listen to all points of views - whether they conform to our views or not?

Just asking a question - I don't want this to be a verbal attack on me - everyone is entitled to say what they feel....not judge others...

Ali

[aliwarren]

Hi there

The posts after Leeann posted her question, whereby people use capitals to express their opinions is interpreted as if you would either strongly emphasise those words or say them with an angry undertone to them. That came through very clearly in the posts to Leeann. She asked a question and yes people were expressing how the poem felt to them, but their posts weren't directed against a piece of poetry, they were addressed to a specific person. Hence my observation. And thank you I shall have a sombre day if the circumstances would allow it. All the best to you