Teacher wants to tell classmates.................

[Lenni]

Hi all! Ashley is in grade one now and has a lovely teacher. The teacher, Mrs. Fahey, acutally taught special needs children for 20 years. She would like to have an open discussion with Ashley's classmates about her injury and ask them to watch out for her arm. Part of this sounds good to me, as Ashley may become more open to help from people but also I wonder if it will damage her somehow, you know will she be embarrased? Asking for your thoughts........

lenni

[francine]

Well, Maia is a dislocation risk so the kids had to know not to violently pull her arm. Someone pulled her arm at camp and she lost her function and is still trying to come back. So I spent a lot of time educating her teachers and today was the first day of school and they talked with the children and told them a little story about it but the outcome was not pretty. Nobody wanted to play with Maia and two little girls refused to even sit next to her. So who the heck knows what the right thing to do is!
It's 10:15 pm and I just got Maia to sleep - she's torn to shreds about this and doesn't want to go back there.
Live & Learn - unfortunately at my own daughter's expense. It sucks.

[admin]

When Kyle was in Kdg. he was having trouble with children asking about his arm all of the time. It really started to bother him so I went in to talk to the teacher. She said that she would have a talk to the class and tell them about Kyle's injury. I didn't think that it was a good idea, but she asked me to trust her. Kyle came home from school and said, Mrs. Hall told the kid's about my spectacular. I said, was that ok, how did it make you feel? He said no one is talking about it anymore, so I guess it's ok and I feel good.
I don't really know if it was the right thing to do or not, but it worked for us. Kyle was with that same group of kid's until middle school and we didn't really have any trouble unless a new kid moved in.

I guess that if no one is asking about it I don't know why she would want to tell the class?

[admin]

Oh my Gosh Francine, give Maia a big hug for me tomorrow!

Jean

[CW1992]

Lenni, I know that this decision is a tough one. My daughter is now in 5th grade. I realize that there might be MANY good reasons to discuss this injury with classmates - but I wanted to share the reasons I chose NOT to do this. I do not know if I have made the right decision or not - but here's some things to think about.

All kids struggle to try and fit in and be like the other kids. Pointing out why your child is different from the other kids might only leave them with that idea - - that your daughter is different and not like them. You are basically labeling her as "different".

Kids might ask your child to show them exactly what movements are difficult for her - which might later be the same movements she struggles to try and hide her difficulties in - -like shooting a basketball or jumping a rope or carrying her lunch tray or putting on her jacket. She's going to want to blend in and not be watched out of curiousity or remembered for her difficulties.

Arm length differences...... If that is known by her classmates in first grade they will remember that in later years too. This is something that could be devastating to a 5th grader if certain classmates knew. Maybe your daughter will not want everyone knowing that about her a few years from now.

Also - describing how the injury happened.... That is difficult to explain to an age group that most likely will only remember bits and pieces. I'd hate for her classmates to only remember that someone "pulled too hard on her head".

Your daughter - and her classmates - will change as they get older. They might not be as understanding a few years from now. Your daughter's friendships will change and the kids will change.

Someone once posted that they felt it was important to tell classmates so that rumors or secrets didn't get started and that the children understood better. I disagree. I think that bringing their attention to your daughter's injury might start them all discussing it and end up getting the story way more mixed up than if it wasn't discussed at all. For example - my first grade daughter is completely confused when explaining her sister's injury. She tells people that Brittney's arm got hurt when she was giving birth. Maybe if your teacher assures you that she will keep the discussion extremely simple and that other kids will be given the opportunity to one at a time get up and explain how they are also different - then the whole class might benefit from the discussion. If the discussion is only about why your daughter is different than all of her classmates - that might end up hurting your child in the long run.

These are just things to think about and good look with your decision,
Christy

[CW1992]

Francine, I'm sorry that Maia had such a bad day. Why did the teacher feel that she had to single out Maia from the others about her arm? Isn't it a class rule that no children should touch or violently pull on any of the other children - no matter who they are? The teacher should have made those rules very clear for all students to not play rough - and not have scared them away from Maia. I just feel so sad for Maia. Hopefully the teacher can undo some of the fear she must have put on the kids. I hope things work themselves out really fast and she's excited about going to school again. Maybe if you help her practice ways to go up to the kids and start talking to them - or pack her some extra stickers to share with the class or something. I hope tomorrow goes better,
Christy

[annedefiance]

I am curious Lenni, how does Ashley feel about all this? I mean, this is about her. She knows better than we do how the kids are going to react to this news. Does she want to do this? I guess in my opinion, sometimes no matter how much we try to protect our kids, BPI or not, they are going to have something similar to this happen to them, they may or may not want to share it with the class, but the ultimate decision, IMO, is theirs. Take your cue from Ashley, talk to her about it, and both of you talk to her teacher about it, no matter what your decision, I am sure she'll understand.

[Michelle_16]

Hi lenni.
This is a tricky 1...I remember when i went up 2 high school my history teacher(one of the nosiest ppl iv met) asked about my arm and at this time i couldnt giv her a satisfactory answer so she continued to ask how did this happen?, lets see wot you can and cannot do, what other ways does this affect you?
I was so embarrased i couldnt wait to get out of the class. It wasnt even a quiet conversation she was standin down the front of the class where she would have been teacher and i was half way up the class. This made me feel realy uneasy and after that class went home and stayed there 4 2days. I cried LOADS after that day and it kinda "damaged" me. because i thot that ppl in that class who hadnt noticed my arm would notice it now. and they woudl all talk about it amoungst thereselves! it was the most horrible day of my life. BUT! if you daughters class mates are part of the discussion i think it mite make the situation a little easier. LOL show and tell for her arm. but not if she was singled out and DIDNT expect it. It maybe is a good idea bcos the children will know wot is wrong with her arm and she wont hav to be asked by individuals and she wont have to giv an explanation and maybe feel uneasy.
Ok so iv jst rambled on 4 no reason cos i hvnt gav u a straight answer but take that advice and maybe work around it.

Good Luck

Michelle -x-

[Lenni]

Hi all, thank you for your thoughts and experiences!

I did ask Ashley how she felt about the class having a conversation, she said no, she would be too embarrased. So I respect her wishes, and have told the teacher our answer.

As parents we sure do face some challanges, whether our child is bpi or not, I am willing to go with what Ashley says, she is a smart cookie, and I want her to succeed! So keeping my mouth shut and cheering her on!!

Lenni