How do you explain BPI to people?

[annedefiance]

I've been thinking on this one for awhile. I have been remembering whenever we have had Ben out and about with his respective braces and splints on. We do get alot of strange looks, I'll admit to that, but they don't phase me anymore. Most times that people come up and ask us what happened, I tell them he has a birth injury and has had surgeries to try and help with what recovery there may be. If they ask more in depth questions I answer them the best I can (most questions we get are "Will he have full use of his arm?", I tell them only time will tell.) We live in a small town where Ben is the only child with this injury, so most people have been able to watch his progress. We've gotten a few of the "how did the baby break his arm?" questions with the dirty looks, and to be honest, I go off on them, "He didn't break his arm!!!" etc, etc, lol. I guess that everyone knowing everyone's business in a small town can occasionally (VERY OCCASIONALLY) be a perk, I don't have to repeat myself very often

[SPEELMAC]

After our daughters surgery she was in a purple body cast. We were walking through the mall with her and these two ladies behind us were arguing amongst themselves on whether or not Brianna broke her arm or her shoulder. Yes, we could hear the whole conversation. I was very emotional at the time so I chose not to say anything to them...I probably would have ripped their heads off...she was to the point where she didn't want to go out anymore since everyone was staring at her. She was 4 1/2 when she had her surgery...it has been a year and it was worth it because now she can actually give two armed hugs!!! People do not always realize what they are doing or saying...I know this injury has fixed my "staring" problem.

[Sophie's Mom]

WOW - I'm am feeling very emotional about some of the posts on this one. I'll have to say that I haven't had a lot of questions yet - so it's hard for me to say exactly, but I wonder what kind of effect this has on the children. Did anyone see "Life is Beautiful"? I agree that we need to raise awareness, but do we have to tell people in front of our children that a doctor injured them? What good does that really do? Will they get all the way better? My answer is, "We hope so. But she's doing really well." Sure, my answer is different for my close friends, not in front of my children. My philosophy is to be brave in front of our children (all of them) - save the "adult" version of awareness for when they are not around. I wonder what the adult/teen BPI's feel about this issue?
My two cents, Tina

[admin]

I DO THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT, TO LET THE CHILDREN KNOW THAT A DOCTOR HURT THEM, JUST LIKE IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT TO LET THEM KNOW THAT THEIR SURGEONS(IN MY SON'S CASE, DR. NATH, CAN HELP MAKE THEM BETTER) MY SON IS FOUR AND HE KNOWS THAT THE DOCTOR HURT HIM WHEN HIS MOMMY HAD HIM AND I AM NOT SURE THAT HE REALY UNDERSTANDS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT, BUT HE KNOWS THAT WE HAVE AND WILL DO EVERYTHING TO REGAIN WHAT FUNCTION HE CAN GET.....HE DOESN'T DWELL AT ALL ON THE FACT THAT HE HAS A BAD ARM AND GETS KINDA MAD WHEN ONE OF THE OLDER KIDS SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT HIS "BAD ARM" HE ON SOME OCCASIONS HAS GOTTEN MAD ABOUT HIS ARM NOT DOING WHAT HE TELLS IT TOO, BUT HE JUST GETS HIS PLAY WRENCEC AND FIXES IT....HE TOLD ME THAT IS HOW DR. NATH DOES IT...WITH TOOLS FROM HIS DADDY'S TOOL BOX....TOO MUCH BOB THE BUILDER i THINK!!!!!! hA, hA
I NEVER THINK IT HURTS TO BE HONEST....EVEN AT A YOUNG AGE.....THEN THE GROW UP AND KNOW THE TRUTH !!!

[CW1992]

I handle things like Sophie's Mom Tina. I was and am positive and save the heart felt talks for those who care. I think people just don't know what to say and so they try to think of something and end up doing or saying the wrong thing. How many of you would have asked the same questions as most strangers if your child had not been injured?

I do not think it does any good for a young child to know that the doctor has hurt them. To me it would seem to set up a whole blame issue and that everything that goes wrong in the child's life, or your families life, and so on - would all go back to "I can't do what every body else can because the doctor hurt ME". Every hard obstacle the child faces - the hate towards the doctor would just build and build. If the child accepts that they were injured - that is just the way they were born - they can learn to use this positively without the anger of "look what he did to me". It seems like it would be pretty unhealthy for a small child to know that the struggles, the surgeries, the frustrations that they have can all be blamed on one person. To me that is teaching a child to hate and be angry. Of course the child needs to know the truth - but just like "where do babies come from".... the answer about their birth should come when they are a little older and can understand better. Also I feel that the most important thing the child also needs to someday understand is that the doctor did not INTENTIONALLY hurt them. Just my opinions - thought I'd share them.
Christy

[Sophie's Mom]

I think it is difficult enough for our little ones to struggle and to be different. I couldn't bear for my little one to ALSO have to start her life thinking that all this struggle, pain, effort was because of a mistake. As far as our family is concerned, we feel grateful that Sophie was not born on the highway, we are grateful that she did not suffer brain damage, and very grateful that she survived at all. Of course we switched doctors, and I tell people the ugly truth - just not in front of the girls. I know other situations are different, and I want to help the awareness issue - but this is not the way. Prevention, training, patients rights - these are all adult things. I don't think the legalities of it need to be introduced to these young kids who already have enough on their plate. It just doesn't seem fair, but unnecessary and ugly. Sorry, I mean well, this just really hits me hard.
Thanks, Tina

[elizabethdh27]

Hi Carron I know what you are feeling, Mehgan is doing well, with her splint and I don't let it stop us from going out and we get alot of questions, sometimes I don't say anything depending on how rushed I am but I mainly tell them that it's a birth injury and she now was able for surgery to help her muscles, then from that I get the vibe if they want more info or not, but I get alot of "how did she break her arm", she's even back in daycare and I actually have no problem of her going in the morning, no fusses, I think she gets extra attention and she actually likes it. Hope Thomas is doing well and you should be able to get that splint off soon? Alice, Mehgan, Mike

[admin]

Although the Doctor did not intentionally hurt them, they still did and unless the doctor wants to apologize for his screw up then such is life...Kids no the good cop, bad cop story....this is the good dr., bad doctor story ...the good dr's being the ones that fix our little ones

[CW1992]

I understand what you are saying about "intentionally" and the doctor should apologize. I just feel strongly that a child might get confused as to why THEM and not some other child - why did 'I' get injured and not anybody else I know. That's why I think kids need to know (when they are ready) that the doctor did not mean to hurt them - so that the child can somehow learn to forgive. I do not think kids are looking for an apology right now at a young age - but possibly when they are older. Parents seem to be the ones who need the apology right now.
Yes there are good doctors who try and fix, but I would not want my child to ever think that she was "screwed up" by an unapologetic BAD doctor. I'd prefer that she believe this man is very sorry and did not intentionally hurt her. I think that if he truly understood the impact of his actions he would apologize.

[Sophie's Mom]

I really hope some of the adults/teens OBPs could respond to this issue of whether young children should be told that they have OBPI because a doctor "hurt" them (I feel strongly that the answer should be NO!). Since they haven't jumped in, yet, I would like to quote some from the other board. These quotes are in response to Francine's question asking for advice on being the parent of an OBPI. I hope these two don't mind me putting their thoughts here...
Any thoughts?
Love to all - Tina

"I also think that as much as possible the anger and frustration the parents feel should be kept from small children. Children often misunderstand a parent's anger and feel responsible for it. And we know that is not the case, parents are just so frustrated."
Kath

"During my youth and most of my adult life, I was oblivious to the emotions my parents went through. Sometimes they would talk about when they were finding out about the injury but my injury was always no big deal to my family and friends. I think being reminded of my parent's pain during my growing up years would not have been helpful to my psyche."
John P.