Ok - so I'm just gonna jump straight into the issue:
18 months after being separating from my partner of 5 yrs I've finally decided to jump back into the dating game...and while I'm resigned to the fact that there's no way I'm going to lose 30kilos (not sure what that is in pounds, sorry) overnight, I'm a little bit uncertain about explaining my arm. Do I even need to explain it? And when is the right time to explain it?
It's not like I want to just jump into a conversation and say - "by the way, my arm doesn't work like yours does and sometimes I look a bit odd when I put my hair in a ponytail..." but I also don't wanna be accused of false advertising
When I interview for a job I always mention my arm.... but is that necessary when dating? My last partner wasn't a problem. We went to school together so he knew all about it.. but for some reason I've become all shy, probably because the older I get the more difficulties/limitations I am developing..
Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: 28 years old with a right obstetrical brachial plexus injury. 5 surgeries to date with pretty decent results. Last surgery resolved years of pain in my right arm however, I am beginning my journey with overuse in my left arm
Lacey,
I have chosen to take a stright up approach about my arm with my guy so he knows exactly what we are up against. I think one of our first conversations was actually about a ring splint that I wear on my middle finger. Them my roommate told him that I have an arm injury so I explained every hting else and have answered all his questions since then. I have also let him play with my e-stim unit. Last night he even drew on my circles to mark where my e-stim electrodes go. He picked my colors too, lol. He seems to enjoy learning about my injury and participating in my therapy.
If you have secondary issues coming up it might be good to fill in your guys. I think telling my guy upfront was good for us, we have nothing to hide about this injury, it was not something we had any choice about so dont be shy. Just let things happen. If a guy chooses notto have you because of your arm, he a jerk you dont need to waste your time on!
Good luck finding the man of your dreams!
Hugs,
Amy 20 years old ROBPI from MN
Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: LOBPI. I am 77 yrs old and never had a name for my injuries until 2004 when I found UBPN at age 66.
My injuries are: LOBPI on upper body and Cerebrael Palsy on the lower left extremities. The only intervention I've had is a tendon transplant from my left leg to my left foot to enable flexing t age 24 in 1962. Before that, my foot would freeze without notice on the side when wearing heels AND I always did wear them at work "to fit in" I also stuttered until around age 18-19...just outgrew it...no therapy for it. Also suffered from very very low self esteem; severe Depression and Anxiety attacks started at menopause. I stuffed emotions and over-compensated in every thing I did to "fit in" and be "invisible". My injuries were Never addressed or talked about until age 66. I am a late bloomer!!!!!
I welcome any and all questions about "My Journey". There is NO SUCH THING AS A DUMB QUESTION. Sharing helps to Heal. HUGS do too.
Hi Lacey,
Getting into the dating world is hard enough without an injury lol! I personally have a very noticeable arm with my elbow locked and my hand grew slower and was paralyzed so no one to be honest had the guts to ask about it. my fiance when I first met him never asked or said anything about it, even held it with no thought. I had to ask him why he never asked and he said "it didn't matter so why ask". So i vote just wait, if they ask about it you know what to tell them.If you fumble with something or something looks out of place when you pull your hair up just gage their reaction. If they don't even notice then just get back to the conversation at hand. I know most people with BP know when they are being second glanced or eyeballed. If they do notice then tell them. I like to make a joke about it with people because they can get nervous about offending. I really hope you meet the right one! Good luck!
~Beth ROBPI
Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: LOBPI no external rotation against gravity, can only go to 90 degree fwd flexion, no hand-to-mouth 1 surgery at age 14 (latissimus dorsi transfer). In 2004, at age 28 I was struck with Transverse Myelitis which paralyzed me from the chest down. I recovered movement to my right leg, but need a KAFO to walk on my left leg. I became an RN in 2008.
I usually wait until they ask or if I need help with something that I can't do b/c of my arm or if I do something differently b/c of it. My injury isn't as obvious at first, unless I wear a tank top or bathing suit...
Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: I weighed 11 lbs. 4 oz. when I was born. I was delivered by forceps which resulted in my ROBPI. I've never had any surgical intervention.
I waited until we went somewhere where it might come up. Like the night we went to play pool together, it was actually our 1st alone date (the other dates were with a group) and since I know I don't look like everyone else when I use a pool cue, I thought it was now or never. I actually think that I told my ex-boyfriend the same way in high school.
Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: LOBPI, had surgery when I was 9- they moved muscles and tendons from one side of my arm to the other side. I can lift my arm to about my eye level, can't straigten it all the way and can't completely supinate my wrist.
i've always told my friends upfront, always showed them how awkward it looks when i put my hand on my head. Now people ask me to 'do the arm thing' because we can all have a laugh, and my friends always want me to show their other friends... Some people are afraid of hurting me, but i tell them that im not that fragile. ive not found that special someone yet, but hope to soon. ive only had the experience with friends, and they all seem to be understanding.
~Mel
So far, so good. I'm dating a guy who it turns out has a bit of a nervous stutter (apparently I'm pretty intimidating - who knew!)... so we now have the added benefit of both being a little bit different
Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: LOBPI no external rotation against gravity, can only go to 90 degree fwd flexion, no hand-to-mouth 1 surgery at age 14 (latissimus dorsi transfer). In 2004, at age 28 I was struck with Transverse Myelitis which paralyzed me from the chest down. I recovered movement to my right leg, but need a KAFO to walk on my left leg. I became an RN in 2008.
