Parnet Blamed for daughter BP?!!

[angelsmom]

I swear i just want to SMACK the next person whom thinks I broke my daughters arm! or says maybe if i had wached her better it wouldn't have happened! Dumb A***! yes i tell them after they make nasty comments that they know nothing about , that my daughter was injured by her Birth Doc. and we now have to correct it. Anyone else with the same and how did you handle it??

[brandonsmom]

Angelsmom,
So true, so very true, has happened 100 times. After her Mod Quad we were at Wal-mart getting his prescription filled and some lady out loud says...isn't it awful that parents do that to their children now a days and get away with it. I turned around and let her have it. After I got through with her, she felt like a penny waiting for change (Mind you I hadn't slept in two nights.) People are just plain rude. GAYLE

[Kath]

I can't blame you for being so upset!
It's use to annoy me sometimes when strangers would ask what was wrong with my arm.

My mother stayed clam ( I don't know how she did it) and simply told them the doctor made a mistake and tore the nerves in my shoulder. She also added it was a miracle that I could move.

I don't think I am as kind as my mother... so I would simply hand them the Prevention Brochure. Tell them since they are so concerned they can help prevent this injury and support Awareness.

Print out some of the Prevention Brochures and keep at least one in your pocketbook.
http://ubpn.org/ubpnweb.nsf/web/prevention.pdf

It's hard sometimes but when you keep your cool it helps your child. I think because my Mom was so calm and cool when confronted this way I did not get more upset when I was older.

I don't think people really realize how rude they are when they ask what is wrong with your child's arm.

Kath robpi/adult

[Mare]

Oh yes been there. During Frankies primary surgery in texas they found out he was allergic to latex he suffered a 3rd degree burn on his thigh from the tourniquet. We were home about a week and he fell and hit his head pretty hard so I took him to the emergency room hospital in our state. Right away they tried to separate me from my child and called hospital security wanting to know how my child got such burns which were wrapped and being treated by a plastic surgeon, and why 1/2 his left side was casted. Of course it was a Sunday and no doctors were in there office to confirm what I was telling them. Finally they reached his peditrian and she confirmed the bpi and burns.By this time I was crying my son was crying and all I kept thinking was it was a Dumb A## doctor who did this to my child in the 1st place and without me being present your not touching my son. They had no idea how to handle a bpi child especially after nerve grafts I gotta tell you it was a nightmare I never want to relive.
As frankie got older doctors would ask him how his arm got hurt and he would say the doctor that was there when he was born tryed to rip his head off. Mare

[hope16_05]

Very frustrating! Sorry you are having to deal with this After 7 surgeries questions and comments never go away! 5 of my surgeries were for my bpi and so many people either whisper or ask and so I give them a lecture they probably didnt want to hear but I figure they should hear it anyway since they wanted to talk about it!

If I dont have time to lecture them I tell them its the result of a doctors mistake and I get to live with it. They usually stop after either situation.

My least favorite comment so far is when people ask me who I hit, God I hate that!!!! I swear the next person to ask me is going to get this reply: If you dont leave right now, its going to be you! I am not a violent person but that comment just gets to me!

Hugs,
Amy 2 years old ROBPI from MN

[Kath]

Amy
You made me laugh!
I just can't picture you threatening someone.
But I sure know the feeling of wanting to smack someone.

Kath robpi/adult

[Brenda333]

I love it "tried to tear my head off" Great Reply!

[Mica]

Melanie,

I have a slightly different approach - but one that truly requires me to swallow my anger, first (sooooooo hard to do!!!)

I think a lot of the rage that boils up within us stems from the ridiculous guilt we all carry around. We KNOW we didn't do this to our children, but we are constantly put in the position of having to either defend ourselves or explain how we couldn't have known it was going to happen. Having to proclaim, "This is not my fault!" again and again would give even the most balanced person a complex. Add to that the constant worry we feel and the pain of watching our children suffer and struggle, and it makes sense that we always feel kind of beaten down.

So, I try to remember that. I say to myself: "Don't react to this person the way you want to. React to this person the way that brings about the most good."

I swallow any rage I'm feeling and say to them calmly - but with direct, unwavering eye contact - "My child was injured because the medical professional our family trusted did not handle a shoulder dystocia correctly. The nerves which control her arms were severely damaged, resulting in an injury which is similar those which put victims in wheelchairs - only it affects her arms and not her legs. When Aria was born, both of her arms, shoulders and upper back were completely paralyzed. She is wearing this cast because our family is working as hard as we can to help her regain some use of her arms so that she can one day live independently. You must understand how difficult and heartbreaking this has been for us. And, I hope you can understand that when you level accusations, or glare at me as if I caused this tragedy, you are revictimizing an already victimized family. Please, in the future, try to recognize that flash judgments are rarely correct, and treat others with kindness."

The person who made the horrible comment usually responds with either silence or "I'm sorry", but nothing more. However, the people around them usually respond with questions. This gives me the opportunity to spread awareness about OBPI.

I can't say I don't get into my car and hit the steering wheel, or grit my teeth until my jaw hurts, but I can say the person who exercised cruelty at my family feels and looks like a jerk, and at least a few other people know about how to prevent another child from being needlessly injured.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish I could make the world less stupid and less cruel. Some days, it's just too much to take in, isn't it?