Torn??

[cassidysmom]

Hi everyone

I am so torn right now as to whether or not we should pursue legal action. Up until a couple days ago I was totally sure that I was not going to pursue legal action,but now for some reason I am starting to worry that I should. The problem is I don't want to stay angry about Cassidy's injury,and in my opinion to got the legal route you have to stay angry. I don't know if filing a lawsuit will cause more damage to my family and Cassidy...I don't want Cassidy to be defined by her injury,,I want to raise her to overcome it and to not feel that the world owes her something.I have met so many incredible people on here who have overcome their injury...and I want that for Cass. I don't want to raise her in a situation where she sees me angry and unforgiving. BUT I want justice for Cassidy, and I want to educate the professionals where she was delivered,I want to raise awareness and help prevent these injuries from happening to other kids. No amount of money will fix Cass,unfortunately..I wish it were as easy as money.
I don't want Cass to grow up and wonder why I didn't do more for her (if I don't sue) it's not that I don't think Cassidy is worth it...because she so totally is! I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post...just venting I guess...have any of you felt the same way? what did you do?
Dawn mommy to Cassidy 17 months ROBI

[Wendy Lee]

This is not a matter of 'staying angry' you know. It is about medical responsibility. If someone ran into you with their car and hurt your child, you would sue for damages and future medical care wouldn't you? What makes this any different? The doctor's didn't tell you that your child was going to be injured during birth did they? Did they tell anyone else they were going to injure your baby? I would guess not. Listen, doctors go into a birthing expecting to produce a healthy child for you, and you expect to have a healthy child as well. But when they screw up, it is their fault. Just like someone driving a car. Perhaps what you are feeling is guilt maybe? Over bringing forth a lawsuit because there are frivilous suits out there in the news? Perhaps the face of the doctor is more personal? In a car accident, you deal with an insurance company and not someone whom you've dealt with for so many months.

[Connie&Andrew]

Dawn,

I just wanted to reply to your post to let you know that only you can determine what is right for you and your family. My son is almost 8 years old. We decided that pursuing legal action was not the right choice for our family or for our son. We felt good about our decision at the time and we still feel that we made the right decision for us. There were times when I would read the posts on this board and feel like I was the only one who made this decision, but then there was a post, I don't even remember exactly what it was about, but a number of people told of their decisions not to pursue any legal action. For some reason it was somewhat comforting to know that we were not alone in our choice.

I know how hard this decision is. I hope that you are able to make a decision that you can feel good about. Good luck

Connie

[Jake'smom]

It's a tough decision that only you can make, but I do think you have to weigh the pros and cons of this. You can talk to a lawyer and not be obligated to file suit. They can tell you whether or not they think you have a viable case. I think from what I've heard on this website that unless your child has a pretty severe injury in which multiple surgeries and long term therapy are needed that you haven't really got a chance to win. That's why we decided it wasn't worth the heartache and mental anguish for our family. I had to let the feeling go that I was letting the dr "get away" with something. I just decided it wasn't about her(dr.) It was about my son and my family and I just couldn't see putting us through more emotional turmoil than we had already been through. Plus, my son's injury thankfully is on the mild side so I don't think we would win anyway. I know of at least one person whose child sounds exactly like mine and they didn't win. Only you can decide what is right for your child and your family. Many lawyers will talk to you about your case and give you an opinion about it without any payment so you might as well if you're thinking about it. Hope that helped.

[cassidysmom]

I'm sorry Wendy Lee...but for me to go through years of legalities,I WOULD have to stay mad. I am a christian woman and forgiveness is a huge part of my faith. Thats where I have trouble,I don't want to let this pass without this doctor knowing what he did,what Cassidy has gone through and will continue to go through her entire life..but I don't know if consuming my life and my family's life for possibly years will have a postive outcome or not..I don't actually care about the money side of things..it's the ownership on the doctors part and also education,awareness and prevention..those are the things I feel strongly about...I have been forgiven of so many things I have done wrong in life and I want to forgive this doctor I think it is healthy..however I want to do right by Cassidy...I'm very conflicted and haunted by this right now..I would appreciate support not someone to tell me how I should feel act and what I should do...thanks,
Dawn
mommy of Cassidy 17 months ROBPI

[katep]

Dawn,

You might consider filing complaint with the medical board. They handle all the investigation and everything and then you can just forget about it and move on. If you truly believe your OB made a mistake and should be called to task for it, a medical complaint is the way to go. In terms of them getting disciplined or needing to undergo additional education, I think it is a long shot that that would happen, but going through their licensing board is the ONLY way that would happen.

You could file your complaint... and then forget about it. I don't think it is the same thing as a lawsuit at all. For one thing, you don't have a lawyer egging you on and it is pretty much "file it and forget it". You can move on, and also know that if your doctors peers find that he was negligent then they are in a position to take the kind of education that counts - cancelling his license or insisting on corrective education.

Just offering you something to consider. We ended up dropping our lawsuit and I would be happy to talk with you about it. Our decision was basically "forced" (midwife turned out to be uninsured for homebirths...) but we felt a definite relief at it being over and moving on.

Kate

[cassidysmom]

Hi Kate

Thank you for your advice..I actually had never thought of that route before..is there a time limit that you know of on filing a complaint?..thanks so much for your input..

[katep]

Dawn,

I found this, hopefully it is a good resource for you. I'd be happy to help more if you want to email me privately.

http://www.mamashealth.com/patient/drcomplaint.asp

Kate

[Ella's Daddy]

Dawn, I think as a Christian woman, you know where to get the right answer. Just pray and eventually God will send you in the right direction. I will never doubt the power of prayer after what we have gone through. That said, I like the idea of filing the complaint so it is at least on record and it may help vent your frustrations. May God bless you and Cassidy.

[claudia]

Dawn:
I would never tell someone whether or not to pursue legal action. I personally believe that mismanagement of shoulder dystocia is the cause for obpi. With that belief comes the belief that the medical personnel performing the delivery is at fault. It was this logic, once the events of the day had been explained to me, that led me (and my husband) to persue legal action. We were successful, and Juliana will be able to do whatever she wants when she gets older. Plus, if she needs to stop working due to pain or loss of function, she will be able to do so.

This was our aim. I wanted to put the doctor out of work, as well. I used to know people who used the same doctor, and none of them use him anymore. Some of them left him when they saw what happened to Juliana. So, I don't know where he or his partner is. I hope he has retired.

As for being "angry". I often tell people that "finding closure" doesn't happen in a lawsuit. You can't look to the courts to close this book for you. Closure comes from within. Your religion notwithstanding, anger doesn't have to lead a lawsuit. In fact, it often makes it worse. Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether or not the doctor is accountable or was at fault that day. Is it that you are worried that not being angry at the doctor will make you not want to move forward in a lawsuit? Or is it being angry at yourself? Or at the situation this injury has put you in? I was angry at everything and everyone for a while. Now I am just angry that this injury is still happening. It shouldn't be.

So, when it comes to a lawsuit the question is: what do you hope to accomplish with the lawsuit? Do you believe that true malpractice has taken place and do you believe that your child has a good chance at needing assistance in the future.. ?

However, you have to make the choice. You have to be comfortable with your decision. If you can't look at yourself in the mirror because you did this, then don't do it. One of the bigger differences between Americans suing and Canadians suing is that you have National Health Service. So your OT and PT and surgeries are covered. Ours aren't. Many families sue just so they can cover medical expenses.

good luck in your decision,
claudia


Message was edited by: claudia