Tommy
I put this on a new thread for you. Since you are new I am sure you have many questions.
When I began to search for information about Erb's Palsy, I was shocked to learn that it was not a rare injury.
I was also surprised that so many children were being injured daily.
I found only 3 adults online and the rest were all parents of injured children.
I read the parents stories and fears and began to get really upset because I suddenly realized I was seeing my own poor mother's pain.
I became angry that she blamed herself and suffered in silence.
I felt so sad for the parents, kids, siblings etc.
One day someone published a poem called Holland.
I immediately hated it and felt very upset and after reading it I realized I had some issues of my own to deal with.
I went through all the normal steps of grieving.
I finally realized that this was MY injury and I was entitled to feel some pain of loss and grief about the changes it made in MY life.
I felt sad at first, then angry and finally forgiving.
I was sad at about all the dreams I lost because I lost function.
I was angry someone injured me and changed my life, ambitions and dreams.
I was angry someone made my parents feel guilty.
I was angry that there was no apology for the doctors mistake.
I then began to forgive.
My mother showed no anger towards the doctor and never mentioned his name.
I had to forgive him he had already met a higher Judge.
I thought about all my losses and in the process I realized I had gained many personal traits that were a direct result of this injury.
They are traits that contribute to the person I am today.
On the General Message Board a parent asked me what I lost.
As I began to type, off the top of my head I just spilled it all out.
When I finished, I realized I also listed what I gained Some how, I think putting my feelings into words made my grief process complete.
It was published in one of the older Outreach editions.
I think I still have a copy of it if you would like to read it.
Right now I think I could make some additions to that original post/article.
I have gained so much because I have contact with so many bpi involved people.
Kath robpi/adult
Notice all the "I" statements.
When I began to realize that this was my injury and not some random act/accident, I took ownership of it.
Then I realize "I" had a right to grieve and once "I" allowed myself that short piety party and accepted me for who I am...
I was fine!
There are moments of frustration from time to time but I am much more comfortable in my own skin.
If someone has a problem with MY injury that is just their problem.
I will give them information and education but no excuse.
I don't have to prove anything to anyone.
I not less for this injury nor am I more.
Message was edited by: Kath
Tommy answer to your ? grief, losses, gains. long
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Kath
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2002 4:11 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: I am ROBPI, global injury, Horner's Syndrome. No surgery but PT started at 2 weeks old under the direction of New York Hospital. I wore a brace 24/7 for the first 11 months of my life. I've never let my injury be used as an excuse not to do something. I've approach all things, in life, as a challenge. I approach anything new wondering if I can do it. I tried so many things I might never have tried, if I were not obpi. Being OBPI has made me strong, creative, more determined and persistent. I believe that being obpi has given me a very strong sense of humor and compassion for others.
- Location: New York
Tommy answer to your ? grief, losses, gains. long
Kath robpi/adult
Kathleen Mallozzi
Kathleen Mallozzi
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Carolyn J
- Posts: 3424
- Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2004 1:22 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: LOBPI. I am 77 yrs old and never had a name for my injuries until 2004 when I found UBPN at age 66.
My injuries are: LOBPI on upper body and Cerebrael Palsy on the lower left extremities. The only intervention I've had is a tendon transplant from my left leg to my left foot to enable flexing t age 24 in 1962. Before that, my foot would freeze without notice on the side when wearing heels AND I always did wear them at work "to fit in" I also stuttered until around age 18-19...just outgrew it...no therapy for it. Also suffered from very very low self esteem; severe Depression and Anxiety attacks started at menopause. I stuffed emotions and over-compensated in every thing I did to "fit in" and be "invisible". My injuries were Never addressed or talked about until age 66. I am a late bloomer!!!!!
I welcome any and all questions about "My Journey".
There is NO SUCH THING AS A DUMB QUESTION.
Sharing helps to Heal. HUGS do too. - Location: Tacoma WA
- Contact:
Re: Tommy answer to your ? grief, losses, gains. long
Kath,
YOU always say things better than I! I too went thru a grieving process, but it didn't come until I found UBPN in 2004 at age 65. I grieved because information, support and "permission" to talk about my "Elephant in the Room" didn't come in my mother's lifetime so I could relieve her guilt and forgive her in person for the silence,shame and lack of bonding with my Sibs etc. Like you Kath, it made me a stronger person,even tho very niave, I had to do everything by sheer gut "I'll show you that I can!!"....
Then of course, when My Scott was born with alot of "Problems"(fixable by surgeries), I was "armed and ready" to do battle with every naysayer,professional,Medical or otherwise!
The 1 thing that is very odd for me IS, why IT NEVER occured to me to demand information or advocate for myself. When I found UBPN & met all of the other STRONG adults with OBPI,and with asisstance from a therapist, I finished the grieving process and got some answers. Go figure!! I am a slooow learner..LOL.
Tommy, be patient with yourself, it takes time to deal with information and how we individualy deal with it.
HUGS,
Carolyn J
LOBPI/69
YOU always say things better than I! I too went thru a grieving process, but it didn't come until I found UBPN in 2004 at age 65. I grieved because information, support and "permission" to talk about my "Elephant in the Room" didn't come in my mother's lifetime so I could relieve her guilt and forgive her in person for the silence,shame and lack of bonding with my Sibs etc. Like you Kath, it made me a stronger person,even tho very niave, I had to do everything by sheer gut "I'll show you that I can!!"....
Then of course, when My Scott was born with alot of "Problems"(fixable by surgeries), I was "armed and ready" to do battle with every naysayer,professional,Medical or otherwise!
The 1 thing that is very odd for me IS, why IT NEVER occured to me to demand information or advocate for myself. When I found UBPN & met all of the other STRONG adults with OBPI,and with asisstance from a therapist, I finished the grieving process and got some answers. Go figure!! I am a slooow learner..LOL.
Tommy, be patient with yourself, it takes time to deal with information and how we individualy deal with it.
HUGS,
Carolyn J
LOBPI/69
Carolyn J
Adult LOBPI
Adult LOBPI