Confrontations?

[Elissa :)]

This may seem really petty and juvenile, but I was wondering has anyone ever found the doctor that delivered them and confronted him or her?

I've always wanted to see the person, who did this to me. I went to law school in Boston, where I was born. (I grew up and live in Houston, TX) I had my birth certificate b/c I would be traveling to the West Indies, where my parents are from, for Christmas. I had seen it many times before, but it took on a whole new meaning to me being that I WAS IN BOSTON. The hospital where I was born was like 5 miles from where I lived. I found the address of the hospital and hiked in the cold, but when is it not cold in Boston, to the hospital, but chickened out when I got close.

It was too emotional for me. Later I found out that the doctor was dead anyhow. That was over 5 years ago.

I guess I just wanted some accountability, an apology. Did he apologize to my parents? Was he remorseful? Did he have any idea how my life would be dramatically impacted? It still bothers me sometimes for 9 months, I was perfect. Did I cry louder b/c this man was pulling on me? Did it hurt? What kind of life would I have had?

I don't know if my parents ever sued him, but I found out in law school that I had until 21 to bring a suit of my own against him, but it didn't matter b/c I was 23 when I discovered this info. I'm 31 now. I usually read the message boards every day. Old and new posting, but I didn't see if anyone had found, confronted, talked to the doctors that gave them the OBPI. If you did, what happened? Was it as emotional as I suspect? Did any of you mothers with children with an OBPI cuss out the doctors? If it were me, I'd be mad as hell. It wouldn't stop me from loving my child any less, not that I have any, but I'd be hopping mad.

Just wondering.

[Carolyn J]

Elissa,
Mothers have shared about this on the General Message Board somewhere. FYI, Everyone is welcome on, and to post a question on any of the Message Boards.
There is no thing as a dumb question either.

I still am learning so much about my body etc from every person who posts.
Carolyn J

[hope16_05]

Elissa,
I have thought about it and even have info where the dr that delivered me is located but I dont think I could bring myself to confront him. He had his chances to appologize and wasted every chance by covering it all up with more lies. I have reached the point where I know that he will be judged one day and have to account for his actions and this is on his conscience, not mine! I would like to keep it that way at this point.

I hope you are able to come to peace with this so your injury does not hold you back!
Hugs,
Amy 20 years old ROBPI from MN

[MaureenK]

The thought never really crossed my mind, to confront the doctor. My mother had mentioned something along the lines of, "If you wanted to sue, you have until you're 18... But the doctors did everything they could. It was a very difficult birth, yadda yadda."
However, the more I learn about brachial plexus injuries, the more upset I become. My mother quite obviously had gestational diabetes, but it somehow went undetected. How could they not realize that my birth would be difficult, and instead perform a C-section? My mother had gained so much weight, and I was a fairly large baby. (My mother was diagnosed with type II diabetes not long afterward.)
I had seizures and a lot of other complications that can go along with gestational diabetes... How could the doctors be so careless? I'm 22 now, and I don't think there is anything I can do about it now. I guess it just makes me care all that much more about prevention and advocacy. It's not something that anyone should have to go through.

I guess I never really wondered what my life would be like without the injury. I don't know why. My father passed away when I was seven, and I constantly wonder what my life would have been like if he were still alive... But for some reason the injury was something I grudgingly accepted.

[Mica]

Elissa,

Confronting is a mixed bag... I know I'm a parent and not an OBPI victim, but my husband and I did confront the head of our midwife team shortly after Aria's birth. Her response was, "There are so many worse injuries in the world. You should rejoice your daughter is alive." I am so glad this stupidity came by e-mail, because I'm quite certain I would have responded with violence had she been in front of me.

So, while I can say I'm glad we confronted her, we now have the knowledge that she is completely indifferent to the fact she injured Aria, rather than ignorant. Indifference is harder to process.

In my life, I have never truly wanted to hurt another human being. However, when I watch Aria struggle, I have to stop myself from driving to her office, damaging the plexus controlling both of her arms, then saying, "tell me, again, how this injury is not a big deal." Daniel and I will be dealing with this anger for a long time. My pastor says forgiving this woman is a decision we will have to make again and again and again. He's right. And, it's hard.

I say this because if you met the doctor who caused your injury, and he responded with complete indifference, that might add another layer to your injury. It might, somehow, invalidate the very real struggling and suffering you have been through..

Of course, I am not saying each and every person on this board doesn't have the right to confront the doctor who caused their injury - they absolutely do. If I had it to do again, I would still confront our midwife. I'm just saying that sometimes the confrontation leaves a new, fresh wound - right beside the old one.

[Carolyn J]

You are right,Mica, meeting Indifference, when you do get courage to confront someone who injures you, just keeps the wounds open. Forgiving is a constant happening, work in progress.a forever thing. Pardon me for saying, but it sucks, but I have to do it for me in order to have a sense of peace.

Keep on keeping on,
Carolyn J

[Kath]

Mica
I am 67 year old and when my parents spoke to the doctors they said "you are so lucky this baby is alive".

Considering my parents lost three children to "birth trauma" they believed it for awhile.

As far as much worse injuries... I believe the hardest injury to live with is the one you must deal with on a daily, minute to minute basis.

We all know that people have so much worst suffering than we have but that does not make our injuries unimportant.
I think statements like that are meant to shame you in to backing away.
We feel guilty when we complain and know others have it worse.

Kath robpi/adult

[Kath]

Elssa

I know just what your feeling.
I was angry when I realized that the doctor made my mother feel guilty.
He lied to her face daily for two weeks.
(He said my hand was tied down because I scratched my face.
He also told her she could not nurse because SHE was too sick.
The truth was that I could not nurse because of the inability to suck properly)
I once thought of just getting a photo and putting it on a dart board.
I only thought of these things when I was in really bad pain or frustrated by my lack of function.

I had to go look up my birth certificate because my mother never mentioned the doctor that delivered me.
She did not seem angry or bitter at all.
She only spoke about the WONDERFUL doctors at NY Hospital that gave her all the helps and information on how to care for me.

Then I realize that he has answered to a high judge and I must forgive him for my sake.
When we hold a grudge it is like poison and eats at us, not the person who injured us.

I never really give him a thought because my mother never did. For all I know he felt really bad...

Kath robpi/adult

[smith727]

In my case, I could not confront the doctor because it is truly amazing that my mom and I both made it through the procedure alive.

Mom did not take care of herself and knew that she had diabetes. She grew very heavy with this pregnancy and consumed lots of sugary sweet foods to handle the stress of my dad leaving her when he found out that she was pregnant with me.(Glad she didn't turn to crack!)

A C-section was out of the question since her blood pressure was so high, so he did the only thing he could do to get me out and let her live...

[emilyalberger]

ive always wanted to confront my dr but i know id lose it from the stories ive heard about him. but there are godd drs but there are bad ones...like mine. when my mom found out how big i was she wanted a c-section but he didnt want to do it. then my parents tryed sueing him and he had the papers saying it happened after the birth to cover his ass