Relationships

[Tyson]

Hi I was wondering how people with TBPI dealing with relationships? Did anyone lose a wife, husband, girlfriend or
boyfriend due to the stress of the injury? Im 8 months post op and I find that the stress of my injury in affecting my relationship. I'm just looking for some feedback. Thanks very
much

Tyson aka Colin

[herff94]

I'm so sorry. I did lose friends. It was so hurtful. It was like they didn't want me in their life because I wasn't complete anymore. I think people, certain people, just can't deal with our type of situations. It doesn't mean they are bad people, they just can't cope. You need someone in your life that is there for you. My injury is 20 yrs old and I'm still dealing with it. I wasn't with my husband when my accident happened. I starting dating him 3 years after my accident and he's been with me through thick and thin. People will love you for who you are, not what you were.......those are the people you want for the rest of your life. its painful in the beginning but you will find those true people-or they will find you.
Kath

[swhite1]

Yes m'am I didn't just lose my wife of 27 years she abandoned me, our 16 year old son, our house(no longer a home) was foreclosed, she even took my 7 year old son and our dog. She didn't just leave the address she left and went 100's of miles away so visiting my son with my son was close to impossible. The only reason my 16 year old stayed was because of his social life and school. He visited me once in 5 months. And that was only to sign over his academic responsibilities to someone else. While I was hospitalized not knowing if I was going to lose my right thumb (where the spider bit) or even if I was going to lose my left arm (TBPI) our relationship was strained to the max. In a sense I don't blame her, I was pretty tired of all the traumas I'd put myself through (at least a half dozen MVA's involving motorcycles and cars) and all the while she maintained the homefront. She needed a break and took it as soon as it wasw evident. I used to be left handed now I feel like nothing.

[Joy in FL]

I guess I was fortunate. I did not lose any friends over this. I was not dating at the time but did have a lover. He was very understanding and helpful. That is the advantage of having a friend that is your lover!

I honestly can't imagine maintaining a relationship the first few years. You are so busy trying to heal, grieving, adjusting, going to doctors, physical therapy, surgery... that it would be extremely hard to keep a relationship. But, that is where the "sickness and health" comes in to play.

I meet my husband 8 years after my accident. It had only been the year before that I had started seriously dating again. So that was 7 years post accident before I felt comfortable enough with me to date.

You know the relationships that have been affected by this the most for me? The ones with my siblings! They do not understand why I am still having "issues". They feel, and have felt for years, that I should be able to hold down a job. They look at me and for the most part I look fine. There is nothing blatant about me that screams disabled. So they do not understand the lasting affects of this injury.

I remember going grocery shopping with my sister a few years back. I was putting things up on the belt to check out. She looked at me and said, "Why are you only using the one hand?" I answered, "Because that is the only hand that I can grasp things with." She looked surprised and said, "Why? The accident was years ago." At that point I was tired of trying to explain to her/them. If they had not gotten in 14 years me explaining one more time was not going to help.

I wish you luck. Colin do not hesitate to have your partner, family, friends come to this message board. There is support for all here. Perhaps if they see what all of us go through they can get an idea of how to be more supportive and understanding. I personally would have no problem speaking with them. My email address is listed in my profile.

Good luck!:-)

[Joy in FL]

>I used to be left
> handed now I feel like nothing.

Don't you dare say you are nothing!!! Our hands, arms, shoulders do not dictate who we are!! They aid is in our day to day life. But, they do not make you a man or a woman out of us. The way we live our lives is what makes us who we are.

I know you don't know me. But, I get angry when I hear a statement like yours. We have the same injury, right? I think we even have the same injured side.... left? So if you are nothing that means so am I. I will be damned if I am going to let this injury turn me into a nothing. I am not a nothing. YOU are not a nothing. Don't let this injury drag you to those depths. Please don't.

[brandonsmom]

Hi,
I am the mother of a son with an OBPI, a birth relatae injury, I do not usually post here, just lurk, but I thought I had something to add.

When my son was born, my father his grandfather, would not accept him because in his eyes, he was not "PERFECT" needless to say, I do not speak to him 9 year later, because of his comments, so yes, I think this injury in general has a good way of bringing out the worst in people. I still look at my son, so perfect in my eyes and wonder how anyone could be so cold and callous, but you know what, I am better out without my father, not that I do't miss him, but if he doesn't love my son for what my son is then I don't need him.

Good luck with your relationships, anyone that is worth anything will stick by you through thick and thin.


Do not forget though, that you have to love yourself, before ou can ove someone else !!!

Gayle mom of Brandon ROBPI

[tmkendra]

My brother suffered a TBPI back in March of 06. His girlfriend has stuck by him every step of the way. I don't know where he would be without her. She has supported him in the healing process. After his accident, his friends visited him in the hospital but you could tell they didn't come around as much anymore. He is still perfect to me, he's my brother and I could never imagine thinking of him any differently. He hasn't let this injury get the best of him. He works, does steel work and housing construction, and he does a damn good job at what he does.

[Tyson]

Thank you all for your input. I know it will take a lot of work but it will get better.

[swhite1]

Please disregard this entire tirade. I'm such a moron.
Peace to all,
Scott
You can pretty much disregard anything I have posted in the past and I promise I'll refrain from posting herin out. I suffer from severe mental regurgitation. I take meds that should stop an elephant but even they know better.
I aplogize and all I can say is that I am trying to find my way, UBPN.org has certainly been a wake up call for me and keep on truckin peace out.
Scott


Message was edited by: swhite1

[Joy in FL]

You are not a moron! We all have moments and tirades. HHHMMM can you make tirade plural? That does not sound right. But, you get my meaning!

I don't like to see or hear anyone put themselves down. So many times people try and make us feel like we are different. In some aspects we may be. But, my arm does not take away from ME. It does not rule my life...all the time. It has been the last week. But, once again you know what I mean.

I am so much more than this injury. I am a wife, a mother, a woman, a daughter... I make people laugh, I hold them when they cry, I am outspoken, I believe strongly in being unique, I will fight with anyone that threatens my family, I have a strong sense of right and wrong, I want justice to be served no matter how small the indiscretion. I am all of these things and so much more. None of which have to do with my injury.

Don't be down on yourself. Be thankful that you are alive. You are here for a reason.