relationship with first child after second

[Tisha1721]

My first daughter, Tabitha age 4 lobpi, and i are very very close. I had my second child Emma on April 19, 2007 and the delivery went great. It has only been a week since Emma was born my relationship has changed dramatically. We are not as close almost like she is mad at me although she is very very good and loves her baby sister very much. I am still trying to balance my time with Tabitha and Emma. Any advice on what to do because I want to be just as close to Emma as i am with Tabitha, but I need to get my close relationship with Tabitha back. Any advice or has anyone gone through this same problem?
Thanks Tisha

[ptrefam]

She may be feeling that baby is now coming first. Just do some small things. For instance when baby is sleeping instead of catching up on housework or napping yourself spend special time with just Tabitha doing things you would have done before baby. Also when baby is fussing and you are doing something with Tabitha say something like "Emma will just have to wait a minute". Not to neglect baby but to make Tabitha feel she is still important. She's probably heard you say this to her now that Emma is here. It's ok to let baby fuss a minute just not get too upset. This shows Tabitha that she isn't the only one who sometimes has to wait. On a bigger scale you could hire a sitter and take Tabitha to do something that you and her can do special that baby can't do.
Sue

[brandonsmom]

When Brandon was born....I had three other children that I was very close with,I was a single mom for 10 years before I met my husband. Although they loved Brandon alot, he also took alot of my time, between Dr.'s Appts and Therapy. I used to and still do, take one of them out with me at a time, my husband would stay home with the rest. Even if it is to the grocery store and then we stop and get ice cream or lunch. It really does work, they all feel like they are important when they get to pick the cereal for the week, or the fruit snack and they are 19, 16, 11, and 8 1/2 now. To make them feel like they were part of Brandon, I would assign a child a day that they had "RESPONSIBILITY" of Brandon, they would go to get me diapers, help with Bath etc. I was a military wife, so the extra help was appreciated. When I couldn't leave them home, because my husband was gone, I would let one child have a late night and stay up with me to watch the movie of their choice. They liked that too !!! Good Luck and Congratulations !GAYLE

[Tanya in NY]

This is NORMAL! Remember that each child is different, so each child/parent relationship will be different as well. Having a new baby in the household is an adjustment for Mom, Dad, and the other family members, including Tabitha. Sometimes you will see children regress and start acting like a younger age when you bring a newborn into the house. This passes. Sometimes you will see some frustrations from your older child. This passes. Sometimes you will see some signs of not being interested in the new baby from the older child. This passes. It's all an adjustment. Spend "Tabitha time" together. Pick out something that is just for Tabitha to do, like she can always pick out the socks for her new sibling (no matter what socks she picks out), or she can always get the towel and washcloth together for the bath for the new baby. Get a "big sister" chore that only Tabitha can do because only big sister's are allowed to do this and nobody else can accomplish this task as well as a new big sister can. Include her in what you can, but also feel free to explain as best you can that a new baby does take some Mommy time too. Reinforce that you love Tabitha just as much as before her new sister was born, but that now your heart has grown bigger to fit Emma into it as well. Emma requires some special Mommy time because she is a baby, just like Tabitha requires some special Mommy time because she has LOBPI and there are certain things that need to be addressed at certain times. At 4 years old, they can start to do some reasoning, but they are sure headstrong at that age, too. I have a 4 year old now...so best of luck. It will get better. Lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance of love. These are the things we did when we brought Amber home to meet our son Casey.

Tanya in NY
Amber's Mom, ROBPI, 4 years old

[mlynn]

I HAVE TWO AND I TAKE THEM SEPERATLY OUT FOR JUST THEIR DAY. OR A PLAY DATE PROBABLY IT IS A LOT OF HORMONAL CRAP WE HAVE AND I WOULD SUGGEST TALKING TO A THERAPIST OR YOUR OB. THEY REALLY HELP I SWEAR. GO LUCK

[cassidysmom]

Hi Tisha,

First I just want to congratulate you on your new little one (who happens to be born exactly a year after my daughter Cassidy!,She turned one on April 19)
And secondly I know how you feel.......My kids are 13 months apart and I felt so bad for Jacob when Cassidy was born, It went from me spending all my time with him to having to share it with a newborn (which doesn't leave very much) My husband was going to school at the time, but when he got home he would take Jacob out and play until it was time for bed, during the day I just did my best to balance two babies, I think the thing that made it easier was time......it is a big adjustment on the whole family any time a baby is born. Just take it day by day, Tabitha will adjust and most likely you feel worse about it then she does, kids are adaptable.
Good luck with your new little one and enjoy!!
Dawn
mom to Cassidy 12 months
ROBPI

[Tisha1721]

thank you so much, it is nice to hear i am not the only one who has or is going through this right now and it gives me hope to hear how well your children adjusted with time.