Anger Survey (about bpi)

[francine]

I just contacted this new piece...

I am excited for Maia because she has been out of pain for about a month now - first time in over a year. And I'm even more excited for her because she's coming forward and doing things that she has never been able to do EVER. I'm happy because we've had good reason to be happy and we seem to all be happier here in our house.

So why am I angry? I am angry because I can't let my guard down. It's very possible -and we were pre-warned- that Maia's dislocation will reoccur sometime in the next year and her capsulodesis will have to be redone. If and when that day comes you guys are going to be scraping me off the floor once again.

I know I don't want to go there in my mind but it's there in the corner of my mind - I guess to protect my psyche for when it does happen. The really angry part comes from thinking about how Maia will be when this happens. I pray and basically beg God every day that this won't happen. And it makes me angry that I have to do this and feel this way.

I am grateful for being able to share my deepest fears and emotions with all of you.

[admin]

Yes, Francine,
you hit it right on.
I am angry because I can never let my guard down regarding my child's obp injury, and I just don't know of any doctors that I can trust. I want decent health care, but because I am suing the birth doctor, I am labelled.

Every time I go to a doctor they tell me how affected the doctor's life is who delivered my child. Oh Boo-Hoo! What about my child's life and mine? They stick together, and it seems like, "one lies and the others would swear to it".

The only doctor I did trust died of cancer a few years ago, but he told me I should knock on the door of delivery, and "punch him in the nose", and he meant it.

It was practically the first time I laughed since my baby's birth!

[admin]

hi im angry about the bpi,but most of all im angry that my son suffered brain damage,special ed,p/t o/t speech...... not only is he limited in the arm,but his mind too,we have to worry about what he can accomplish on his own as he gets older,and id love to send him for a week to each dr that was supposed to be knowledgable in taking care of births,without his ritalin,they would then see........

[admin]

First I am very grateful for all things that my son has accomplished, the TCH doctors. Yes, I am angry.

I am angry at having to watch him cry because he has to wear a brace at night

I am angry for at the age of 3 my son knows the concept of pain, hurt, and surgery,

I am angry for the time that is involved in surgeries, therapies, taking away from time spent with my new baby girl.

I am angry seeing my new baby girl doing things that my bpi son can not do.

I am angry seeing my son having little confidence in sports, balancing, jumping

I will never never never ever forgive the doctor eventhough she has profusly apoligized

I am angry at having to pay $1000 a month to keep insurance because he has preexisting condition

I am angry at having to work instead of staying home with my son and daughter

I am angry at the toll this injury has had on our entire family

I am angry that I am exhausted all the time

[CW1992]

I asked my daughter if she was angry about HAVING an injured left arm and truthfully she started laughing and said, "What good would THAT do?? Then I told her about the survey and she typed this up:
"Hi, I'm Brittney! I'm Christy's 10 year old daughter with a BPI injury in my left arm. My mom asked me if I was angry about my arm because of this BPI anger survey thing. Personally I'm not angry about having a BPI but sometimes I feel a little awkward when I run because I feel like people are staring at the way I run. I think it's kind of cool having a BPI though because it sure helped me learn my right from my left alot faster! Well, anyway I don't see why your having an anger survey because if your angry about having a BPI it won't do much good! I think it's kind of silly to be mad at stuff you can't fix, so try to except it. After all, what good would it do if you sat at home feeling sorry for yourself just because you don't have brown eyes, or aren't tall, when you could be outside being happy. I mean why not think of reasons to be happy about having a BPI. I'm sure there are just as many good things as there are bad but, try and focus on the good things. Well, that's my opinion."
Bye bye,
Brittney

I am very proud of her and her positive attitude.
Christy

[francine]

Brittny - what a wonderful post! Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us. We have so much to learn from you!!
-francine
Maia's mom

[Paula]

Brittney, you are such a bright young lady and I really appreciate you posting your thoughts. You have helped me so much with your opinions.
---Paula

[Primrose]

Out of the mouthes of babes comes the wisdom of the ages. Thank you Brittney.
Pam

[m&mmom]

Brittney
Great post.
Thanks,
Cindy

[pamela 2]

I am angry that my OB laughed when I expressed concern about how big my baby was getting before delivery. He said that she'd be well over 8 pounds but that I shouldn't worry.
I'm angry with myself that I took his word for it and did't get another opinion.
I am very angry about our birth experience. It felt more like an assault than a birth. It was so violent.
I've dealt with flashbacks since, especially on Juliette's 1st birthday.
I'm angry that beyond admitting they may have broke my baby's clavicle no one ever mentioned BPI.
I'm angry that my baby was admitted to the NICU for nearly two weeks for a "failure to thrive" and subjected to invasive and painful medical interventions because of a Dr.'s mistake.
I am angry that the forced seperation made breastfeeding very difficult and I thought that at least that would give juliette some comfort.
I'm angry that the injuries I sustained during the delivery took so long to heal, physically and mentally.
I'm angry that Juliette was in so much pain when we brought her home and the medical establishment insisted that it had nothing to do with her "bruised" shoulder.
I'm angry that I had to get a lawyer to requisition our medical files (at a hefty cost) and the records seem incomplete to me. I'm angry that I'm still in touch with the lawyer although he says the injury hasn't proven severe enought warrant a case. We live in Ontario, Canada. Most people never win malpractice cases in this country.
I'm angry that we have to see our specialist every three months, four hour round trip. And the visits keep getting more complicated. I had held out in my heart that one day they would tell me that she was healed completely and we could stop thinking about BPI,erb's and the possibility of surgery and degrees of disability.
I'm angry because every time my daughter doesn't use her right hand, arm, shoulder I wonder if it's because of the injury.
I'm angry because whenever she is cranky or uncomfortable I wonder if she's in pain.
I am happy though to have such a fiesty little girl.
I am also happy to have access to this site, knowing that there are many other families sharing similar experiences to ours makes me feel less alone. I'm sad though that this injury has to happen at all to any baby.