Welcome to Holland

[Bridget]

I've read this message "Welcome to Holland" many times over the past eight years since my son was born, but I have to say that far more interesting to me is the posts that follow it! I love hearing the real experiences of people like myself who have found themselves on this unexpected path and who have learned new things along the way...fellow travelers, I'm glad we are on this trip together.

Bridget

[Kathleen]

I know I have said this before but every time I read this poem I get a very sad feeling... and sometimes a little insulted. I am after all much more then my arm or my birth injury.
I don't mean to insult anyone because this is someone's feelings written at a time of dispair....I am sure the person who wrote this felt such terrible pain.

I was never Holland nor was I Italy...

I never thought that my Mother felt as if I was different then her other children. I was me Kathleen her 8th and most active child. I was a girl after having 5 boys and that made me special. But never once did I ever feel or think that she thought my life was different because I was injured. I never felt different then my siblings in her eyes... nor did I think I changed her life or that she lost out because of me. I always felt I enhanced her life... I took care of her till she died and I was the apple of her eye... I never felt as if she was disappointed in me or my arm. While I realize how much work she had to do and how alone she was with my injury. I never once heard her complain... I was still her baby and as special if not more special then the others because I was last....

As for Holland and Italy... nice places to visit...

I love the flowers and wine...

One other thing - because we are injured we need to be more creative and perhaps that makes us Italy...LOL.

Kath

[Primrose]

Kathleen,
I agree with a lot of what you said. I don't post this with the thoughts that I am in pain or dispair because of Atticus' injury. I have my bad days (or weeks) like any parent, but on the whole I have not felt any depression, dispair, or negative impact because Atticus happened to be injured at birth. That would get me nowhere and serve no productive purpose. it certainly would not benifit my children in any way.In our house and family we do not focus on his injury, or allow it to affect the way we treat or relate to him at all. I simply liked the sentament that often times life throws us unexpected curves and that is not a bad thing. In all honesty I think this applies to most any child. My dd, Gracie (6) was not injured, but she is a spirited child. I thought of her as much, if not more than Atticus while reading this. I certainly wasn't expecting the challenges she has presented, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. She lets me experince the world as I don't think I would ever have had she not been the way she is. I posted this with the idea that it is a positive message. That is the way I recieved it. I can only pass it along, and have no control over how others recieve it. Though I think most others have understood the idea as a positive one.
Hugs to all,
Pam

[Kathleen]

As I said in my post. I am obpi and I don't find it a positive from MY point of view...

As carrie said we were born in Holland... according to this story. And as many times as I have read it and it has been posted on this board. I cannot help but feel the way I do about it... Since I am obpi I have no choice but to look at and think that someone thinks, because I am bpi, I am out of step with the rest of society. I actually feel it diminishes the bpi person because it means our lives are not equal because we have injured arms. It puts those of us who are injured in another place. It also expresses a great sense of loss and longing for something that can never be. All I was stating was that I personally never felt that I put my family in another place because I was injured. And that is what this "Welcome to Holland" is all about... Since I am the injured one I will look at this story from a very different prespective then you will.
I feel it is very sad that a parent would feel such a sense of loss and pain. I have often thought it was easier for me to be obpi then to be the parent of and injured child.

I am sure that all here are in love with their children or they would not be posting.

Pam I did not mean that you felt that way... I was not speaking about you as the poster at all. Sorry if it gave that impression.

My post was about this Story and how I see it as obpi. What I think when I read it.
I believe this was written by a parent during a rough time which we all as parents have... I was just stating how this story effect me every time I read it.

(((( hug>>> Kath

[Paula]

Pam, here you had me all impressed, I thought you wrote this! My thoughts were "wow this is really deep like from the heart". Anyhow I'm glad you posted this. Any other stories out there for us newbies?

[Primrose]

Opps, I certainly did not intend to plagerize. I guess I figured everyone would use their esp to know I didn't write it, LOL. Sorry I didn't clarify.
Kathleen, I am sorry I did not mean anything like you should find it positive too. I can't really see things like this in the same way you do. I just wanted to try and explain how it came across to me. I guess I am just wanting to make sure I am not sending the impression of negativity on my part. That's something that I am sort of weird about, not being pitiful )
Pam

[Georgeann P]

Just for everyone information I thought I would tell you that "Welcome to Holland" was written by Emily Perl Kingsley and was first published in 1987. She also has been writing scripts for "Sesame Street" for 30 years. You can find this story and others in a book called "You will dream new dreams" by Stanley D. Klein, Ph.D and Kim Schive. It is composed of a lot of essays from parents with children with all sorts of special needs. After reading some of the heartwrenching yet heartwarming and inspiring essays I feel very grateful that all I have to deal with is BPI. The parents in this book are amazing and have risen to fight for their kids, but as we all know we would do the same if we were in their shoes. Now don't get me wrong, I know the ups and downs, in and outs of BPI from my own experience (my son has a very severe injury with 3 surgeries in his 16 months of life and an unknown number in his future). So I am thankful everyday for the wonders of life, all life, especially the lives of my children because they are my own little miracles!

[browning93]

I am very touched by this and can totally relate. Our experiences are different than other parents. Also, though every parent could probably relate to this. Italy is how you dream your life will be with children, the perfect family image in your mind, and Holland is when reality sets in and it is nothing like you thought it would be,whether disabilities are involved or not. Who ever dreamed of not having a moment for yourself, putting another human being totally first, and praying for 10 minutes every couple of days just to get a shower and remembering to brush your teeth. I have one child with erb's palsy/Klupmke's syndrome and my life is way too full, I can't imagine having another child to take care of and how people with more than one do it I'll never know.I do know this, I wouldn't trade my ticket to Holland for one to Italy,because in Holland I've learned valuable life lessons I would've never learned pre-child.

[Donna (Colleen's Mom)]

I'm with you on this one Kath. "Welcome to Holland" always seems to stir up trouble every time it makes the rounds. I understand there are nothing but good intentions on the part of the poster, but I always cringe every time I see it someplace. If my daughter were to read this poem, I would worry she would feel as if she were somehow not good enough, and that just isn't true.
Primrose, please don't be offended, we know that you posted this here with the best of intentions. Like Kathleen, I am responding back not to start a flame war, but to let it be known that not everyone gets the same message from Welcome to Holland.
Peace.