son wants to know

[clarissaf]

My 6 year old son LOBPI has in the past asked questions about his "special arm", but has never really pushed the subject till now. He wants to know why his arm isn't like mine and why can't he use it like his other. I was wondering if there are any of you out there who've already been through this and give a mom some advice. Thanks!

[Kath]

I don't know what many of the mothers here would say but I can tell you that my mother and I talked about my arm often.

She told me when I was born there was a lot of confusion in the room and the doctor pressed too hard and severed some of the nerve's in my arm.
She also added how lucky we were to be alive and how grateful she was for me.
I found a bill for a cardiograph taken when I was born...
That was rare 66 years ago.
She said that we were lucky and I was able to use my arm because of all the good care I received from the Doctor at New York Hospital.
She use to add that it was a miracle that I could use my arm at all...

I use to like to hear "My" story as a child and was very happy with it.

Kath (robpi/adult)

[brandonsmom]

My son doesn't ask but once in a while he does. He is 7 1/2 and I tell him like Kath's mom told her. We are so lucky to have my son with us....so it fits. He rarely asks but when he does I don't lie, but I also don't go into too much detail. Gayle

[admin]

I think that the most important thing is that candor about the injury should come from those few people most immediate and frequent with the child. And I do think that the honesty should come early. Since my child was about three she has heard increasingly more mature language about her injury, and she seems to understand it well.

[Nettie]

My son is 8 and he recently has been asking me why his arm is like it is and why him? I just honestly tell him what happened to cause it and that everyone has something special about them. I let him know that his arm does not define who he is and that he can learn to do anything anyone else can do, he just may need to accomplish it differently and it may take him more time to master it. Thus far his only limits is that I will not let him wrestle, other than that, his possibilities are endless. I guess I have never burdened him with my struggles over his injury. I try to teach him, it is what it is. I have to help him learn to accept and deal with his injury the best that he can and not let his injury get in his way of accomplishing goals. I find it gets more difficult the more he notices how different he is from his friends. I found the article on Stephanie Zwieg to be very inspiring and as he begins to learn baseball and struggles with some elements of the game where his arm would be handy, I shared the article with him and that really seemed to help him understand that he really can accomplish what he wants and can be very functional despite the injury. Best of luck to you.

[admin]

I have had a BP injury from birth, I'll turn 38 years old in a few days. Growing up, my mom and dad told me and others what happened. I didn't understand until 10 years of age or older. I think the parent is doing the right thing by giving as much information to their child that is being asked. I was a 4-sport athlete, and wrestling was my first love. So, its hard to hear of parents keeping the BP child from sports. But, feel free to ask any questions that I might be able to help with.

Mike

[Nettie]

Mike,
I guess I just worry that he will permanently injure his shoulder by wrestling. Perhaps I have nothing to worry about. It is nice to hear that wrestling was your first love. What other sports did you participate in? Thank you for your insight. It is so nice to hear from those who have been there.

[bugsntazz]

Hello,
My BPI son is now 8 years old. Over the years he has asked questions about his arm. He asks about his surgery scars, those we call brave marks. We tell him that at birth he was not able to move his arm. We told him how he has had surgery and how he CAN move his arm now. We also remind him that there is nothing he can not do. The only thing that bugs him a little is that he does not get full extension and monkey bars. For those things, we explain that some of us are gifted in one thing and some are gifted in others, and that is what makes us all special. He relates to this as he is a gifted reader. In 3rd grade reads at 5th grade level. He also does very very well at school. We always emphasize what he can do. We also let him determine what he can and can not do. Sports he does baseball, soccer, swimming,