Still having birth Nightmares!
Still having birth Nightmares!
I had a HORRIBLE birth, and I have nightmares to the point that it bothers me the next day. Last night was a really bad one/ my dreams are way worse, like last night my ob was going to cut his right arm off/. I am wondering if this happens to anyone else? I have been to a therapist yet every week I have one. I am to the point that I am thinking of having acupuncture or hypnosis to help. I am wondering if anyone has used this type of unconvenitional therapy? My son is 2 1/2 and I am wondering how long this will happen. If there are any moms to kids older who have been there and can shed some light? Would love to hear when the nightmare STOPPED? Thanks
Re: Still having birth Nightmares!
I'm also in the horrible birth club. I used to want a third child; however after much reflection came to the conclusion what I really wanted was a normal calm, peaceful birthing experience. I haven't had a nightmare in a long time; however when I reflect on Matthew's birth I can still hear the sound of my ob's sneakers clicking on the floor as he pulled and pulled.
I used acupuncture and Reiki and it helped me out a lot.
Cindy
I used acupuncture and Reiki and it helped me out a lot.
Cindy
Nightmare's Here To!!
Jordanna will be 4 in June and I still get sick to my stomach everytime I even think about the birth (let alone recurring nightmares)and for the record my Mom who was in the delivery room still can "feel" my blood splashing over her sandles onto her toes.
For me what helps is accepting what I cannot change. I think part of the feelings and nightmares for me is guilt, guilt that I should have known, or did something different, etc etc. I also have great girlfriends who let me vent, cry and worry without interruption or judgement.
But everyday as I look at Jordanna and see what a wonderful human being she is turning out to be and that she does not care nor notice (yet) about her arm, that it could have been worse, much worse, that she is a blessing. Are there bad days, am I terrified kids will be mean to her becasue her arm is different, do I know that there will be heartbreaking moments for her (and me)..yep but I honestly believe she is destined for wonderful things as she has been through so much already.
OK now I have rambled on and on....hope you feel better about this soon.
Buffy
For me what helps is accepting what I cannot change. I think part of the feelings and nightmares for me is guilt, guilt that I should have known, or did something different, etc etc. I also have great girlfriends who let me vent, cry and worry without interruption or judgement.
But everyday as I look at Jordanna and see what a wonderful human being she is turning out to be and that she does not care nor notice (yet) about her arm, that it could have been worse, much worse, that she is a blessing. Are there bad days, am I terrified kids will be mean to her becasue her arm is different, do I know that there will be heartbreaking moments for her (and me)..yep but I honestly believe she is destined for wonderful things as she has been through so much already.
OK now I have rambled on and on....hope you feel better about this soon.
Buffy
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Re: Still having birth Nightmares!
ITS BEEN OVER 3 YEARS AND STILL I HAVE THESE DAMBED DREAMS. ALSO AS ZAK GETS OLDER I NEGLECT MY OLDER SON JAKE. ALSO I AM SO PARANOID OF SOMETHING HAPPENING TO ZAK THAT I FREAK OUT IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTIME HE MOVES.
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Re: Still having birth Nightmares!
I can certainly relate to all of you! Buff- my mom and mother-in-law still have nightmares seeing blood spray all over the walls and ceilings. I had Jacob in Sept. 2002, he will be turning four this summer and his birth still haunts me. But I will tell you all- IT DOES GET BETTER!! But it takes a long time. I had pretty severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for about two years after the birth. I had severe insomnia, panic attacks (about 20-30 a day), flashbacks, nightmares/daymares, migrains and depression. I would be driving on the highway after his therapy sessions, and totally forget where I was. I would miss my exit on the highway because i would be having a flashback of the birth. I guess this happend mostly at this time because I had just taken him to therapy, and that makes you think about the injury and naturally you think about the birth too. This is what worked for me- 1) Prozac (tried a few other meds but the side effects were too bad- can't take care of a newborn if feeling like a zombie), 2) Ambien- really helps you sleep and helps to avoid nightmares. I took it for over a year and never got addicted to it- it's not a habit forming drug, but you will have to teach yourself for fall asleep on your own after stopping it- took me less than 2 weeks. Ambien works fast- less than 15 minutes for me, but after 7 hours you are not a zombie the next day- perfect for me who had to drive my baby to PT at 9 am every morning- so I couldn't take something that left me unable to drive. 3) Therapy- I saw a therapist who helped me with biofeedback and breathing techniques to help with the panic attacks- to lessen their severity and to stop them from occuring so often. After a few months, I went from having 30 a day to maybe 2 a week. That was a major improvement to my quality of life, 4) reconstructive surgery- I was torn so badly that I needed reconstructive vaginal surgery- 15 months after the birth I had the reconstructive surgery. It was extrememly painful, but recovering from it was a lot quicker than recovering from the birth- and it alleviated most of my pain. For those 15 months, to put it bluntly-I couldn't sit to pee without pain, nevermind intimacy with my husband!! Immediately after the reconstructive surgery I noticed a difference, and after the healing process (about a month total to get to a place with little to no pain) I was a new woman. It's amazing how eliminating physical pain can help you focus on healing the mental scars. Made a big difference for me.
These three things made a major difference in my life, and as the years go by I am able to deal with the trauma associated with the birth of my first son. I am still dealing with PTSD in many ways- still taking Prozac, and cannot have a GYN exam without medication to put me to sleep (my last two annuals were done in the OR under anesthesia), but I simply insist on having a sympathetic doctor who understands my situation or I keep searching till I find one who does. I certainly have learned to demand better medical care and to be listened to when it comes to medical care for me and my family. I had another baby 16 months ago (boy, by c-section, and no BPI) and that was a powerful experience. On my first OB/GYN appointment I told the Dr. that I wanted a c-section with this baby (after explaining the situation with my first baby) and that I wanted a firm decision from her that day on it, or I was going to find me another doctor. She smiled at me and said, "Sounds like a c-section is exactly what you need and what you'll get. So we are firm on that." I said good, and we went from there. We scheduled a c-section for when the baby would have been 39 weeks gestation, but I went into early labor at 36 weeks. Until that day, she never once put me in the stirr-ups to "check" my cervix or anything else. She respected the fact that I would have a panic attack if I had to go through that. The c-section was a peaceful and joyous event. I actually got to see a child of mine be born- she held him up for me to see the second he came out. I never got that with the first- they took him and pulled the curtain, for over ten minutes we didn't know if Jacob was dead or alive- no cries, nothing! and of course, the staff wasn't telling us a thing. But not the second time around- yes I was very anxious and extrememly worried. i thought for sure something would go wrong and this baby would die or be paralyzed too- I just couldn't see it going any other way- like no matter what, all my children's births were going to be horrible. I kept asking the Dr. and my husband if the baby was paralyzed- or if both arms were working- they just very nicely kept telling me he was perfect- but what helped was the Dr. telling me point blank- Both his arms are working just fine. Then they let me watch as they cleaned him up- it was nice of them to position the isolet so I could see. I wanted to watch everything that was done to that baby- just to prove to myself that it was real that he was okay. the reality of our second child's birth did sink in later that day- and I have to tell you, we were surprised at our reaction. My husband especially- it was the most angry we had ever been at the whole way Jacob was born. We realized that day how simple and fast c-sections can be done, and all that it would have taken for them to avoid injuring our son. That was the only negatives assocaited with our second son's birth- that and at the beginning I was having flashbacks to Jacobs birth. But once everything went into high-gear, I did get excited about seeing my new son. One sidenote- we did have our second child in the same city as our first- but had a totally different doctor, clinic, and hospital. that makes a difference with flashbacks and nightmares- knowing that you aren't giving birth in the same hospital again. My therapist also told me to get out of the house more often- it is so easy to hole-up inside the house and shut the world out. What I didn was purposely schedule my son's therapies for first thing in the morning- for a year he went at 8 a.m. four days a week. that way I had to get up early, get showered/dressed and be out the door by 7:15, then instead of going home after his appointment, i would make myself drive to the mall and walk around for at least an hour or so. It may sound silly- but it worked- I got out of the house, got a little exercise (which naturally helps with depression) and talked to people, even if just the sales person. A lot of times friends who also had little ones would meet me there, and eventually I looked forward to it and I didn't have to "make" myself go. I still have issues associated with my first child's birth, but I do see how over time things have improved a lot. And i feel that it will get better as time goes by- I don't think that it will ever go away permanently- I am forever changed as a result, but it will not rule my life like it did the first few years after his birth. There will come a day where you are not thinking about BPI or the birth 24 hours a day.
These three things made a major difference in my life, and as the years go by I am able to deal with the trauma associated with the birth of my first son. I am still dealing with PTSD in many ways- still taking Prozac, and cannot have a GYN exam without medication to put me to sleep (my last two annuals were done in the OR under anesthesia), but I simply insist on having a sympathetic doctor who understands my situation or I keep searching till I find one who does. I certainly have learned to demand better medical care and to be listened to when it comes to medical care for me and my family. I had another baby 16 months ago (boy, by c-section, and no BPI) and that was a powerful experience. On my first OB/GYN appointment I told the Dr. that I wanted a c-section with this baby (after explaining the situation with my first baby) and that I wanted a firm decision from her that day on it, or I was going to find me another doctor. She smiled at me and said, "Sounds like a c-section is exactly what you need and what you'll get. So we are firm on that." I said good, and we went from there. We scheduled a c-section for when the baby would have been 39 weeks gestation, but I went into early labor at 36 weeks. Until that day, she never once put me in the stirr-ups to "check" my cervix or anything else. She respected the fact that I would have a panic attack if I had to go through that. The c-section was a peaceful and joyous event. I actually got to see a child of mine be born- she held him up for me to see the second he came out. I never got that with the first- they took him and pulled the curtain, for over ten minutes we didn't know if Jacob was dead or alive- no cries, nothing! and of course, the staff wasn't telling us a thing. But not the second time around- yes I was very anxious and extrememly worried. i thought for sure something would go wrong and this baby would die or be paralyzed too- I just couldn't see it going any other way- like no matter what, all my children's births were going to be horrible. I kept asking the Dr. and my husband if the baby was paralyzed- or if both arms were working- they just very nicely kept telling me he was perfect- but what helped was the Dr. telling me point blank- Both his arms are working just fine. Then they let me watch as they cleaned him up- it was nice of them to position the isolet so I could see. I wanted to watch everything that was done to that baby- just to prove to myself that it was real that he was okay. the reality of our second child's birth did sink in later that day- and I have to tell you, we were surprised at our reaction. My husband especially- it was the most angry we had ever been at the whole way Jacob was born. We realized that day how simple and fast c-sections can be done, and all that it would have taken for them to avoid injuring our son. That was the only negatives assocaited with our second son's birth- that and at the beginning I was having flashbacks to Jacobs birth. But once everything went into high-gear, I did get excited about seeing my new son. One sidenote- we did have our second child in the same city as our first- but had a totally different doctor, clinic, and hospital. that makes a difference with flashbacks and nightmares- knowing that you aren't giving birth in the same hospital again. My therapist also told me to get out of the house more often- it is so easy to hole-up inside the house and shut the world out. What I didn was purposely schedule my son's therapies for first thing in the morning- for a year he went at 8 a.m. four days a week. that way I had to get up early, get showered/dressed and be out the door by 7:15, then instead of going home after his appointment, i would make myself drive to the mall and walk around for at least an hour or so. It may sound silly- but it worked- I got out of the house, got a little exercise (which naturally helps with depression) and talked to people, even if just the sales person. A lot of times friends who also had little ones would meet me there, and eventually I looked forward to it and I didn't have to "make" myself go. I still have issues associated with my first child's birth, but I do see how over time things have improved a lot. And i feel that it will get better as time goes by- I don't think that it will ever go away permanently- I am forever changed as a result, but it will not rule my life like it did the first few years after his birth. There will come a day where you are not thinking about BPI or the birth 24 hours a day.
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brandonsmom
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Re: Still having birth Nightmares!
My son is 7 1/2 and my story sounds like the previous posts. Now that he is 7 1/2, I can talk about it finally without crying and I almost get through his whole birthday without thinking about it. His birthday is July so we just plan a vacation or an outing around it. My oldest son was 11 when Brandon was born. His wife is pregnant now and he is just having a really rough time. He doesn't want what happened to his baby brother to happen to his child....who would right. he is driving me crazy but I am glad because prevention is the way to go. I am proof that things get better. Yes, there will come a day when you no longer think about BPI !!! Gayle
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Re: Still having birth Nightmares!
my son zak turned 3 in feb. it's nice to know of someone his age. ironicly my 7 year olds first grade teacher's daughter is about 31/2 and has right bp. she sees the same doctors.