absolutely miserable right now...

[Natalee (Logan's Mom)]

Well, we found out Monday that we will be going to trial April 30th. I guess I knew all along that this would happen but hoped we would settle. I feel like I am losing it... I can't stop crying, I'm not sleeping at night and when I do I am having nightmares about a man chasing me (maybe the doctor, I don't know). My husband and I just started taking a prescribed antianxiety med to get us through the next few weeks. We are totally freaking out and we know we have to get ourselves together. I am trying to put everything into perspective, "things could be worse" but our house is coming undone. I have to call our attorney daily just to hear his voice of confidence, he is SOOOO positive about our case. Then I read things on here like some of you losing and I just don't know what we would do if that happened. We have put so much into this for 3 1/2 years. I want this overwith so we can get on with our lives and focus on the positives. I just want justice for Logan, we are not out to ruin his life, just JUSTICE for our baby. I have some questions:
1)Did those of you that went to trial invite all your family and friends to the trial for support?
2)Those of you that lost your case, what was the reasoning given?
3)Did any of you get to speak with the doctor about how you have felt during all these years leading up to the trial, all the emotions, all the pain? I have thought about writing a letter and reading it to him at/after the trial.
Thanks to you guys as usual, the ONLY ones who understand the hell we all go through as parents of BPI's.
Oh, and good point about our children picking up on everything we are saying/feeling. That has been why this is so hard. We have always been so positive around Logan. When we went to the attorneys office the other day for pictures of how she looks now, Logan said "is this man a nice man? Is he helping me get that mean doctor that hurt my arm when I came out of your tummy?". She doesn't truly know at 3 1/2 how to process this and what is going on. Any words of wisdom?? Thanks, keep us in your prayers, please!!
Sincerely, Natalie

[Bridget]

Hi Natalee,

Well, I can relate to your feelings of anxiety, but you really do need to get yourself together. I myself was a basketcase and feel that my tears, etc. on the stand influenced the jury against us. They didn't take me seriously, I don't think. It is hard to listen to what people are saying when they are crying, people can't get past the tears.

Anyway, we lost at trial (the doctor lied, altered records, the whole bit). I survived. It is a great hurt, and will always be one of the biggest shocks and disappointments of my life. Having said that, I would do it all again, because my goal is and has always been to do whatever I can to help my son.

If trials were in fact about uncovering the TRUTH, we would have won. But, that is not at all what our justice system is about. So, if you have any ideals about finally facing the doctor with the truth of the situation, etc., you might as well forget it. That is not what a trial is about. It has nothing to do with emotions or truth and very often doesn't even relate to reality.

Do whatever you have to do to make sure you are in control and serious when you walk into that courtroom. You are there to represent your child, and your emotions about all of this need to be kept under control if you want the jury to be able to listen to your words and understand them.

That's my input based on my experience.

Good luck. Maybe they will settle at the last minute, that happens a lot.

Bridget

[francine]

Natalie - I only went through depositions and certain parts of them were very hard to deal with- so in a small way I understand.

But this doctor has taken enough from you already! Don't give him your power too! Be strong and stand up for your child.

Here's an idea.... bring something small with you to keep in your hand that will help you focus on the reason you are doing this. I wore a locket with me and inside were pictures of Maia and Adena. When I felt like I was losing it, I just held on to the locket and kept on repeating to myself (in my mind) "I am doing this for Maia." It helped me stay as balanced as possible under the circumstances. There were times when I lost it too - but we did take breaks. Maybe your attorney will ask the judge for a break if you really break down? (I don't know how that works)

So do a lot of crying between now and then - just keep on going for it and get that all out of the way. We will pray for your strength.

big hugs,
francine

[RhondaT]

Natalee,
I completely understand your feelings. We finished our trial about 4 weeks ago and lost. The emotions can be overwhelming sometimes but as others have said, you have to remember why you are there, for your child. And Bridget is right, a trial is not for finding out the truth, it is for twisting things around to get the doctor off. I had to try hard not to take the whole justice process personally. The defense was missing the whole picture. I have a three year old child that can't use his right arm and noone cared!! The only thing they cared about was clearing the doctor of liability. I would like to say the anxiety gets better after the trial is over, but for me it hasn't. Now it has gotten Better but not gone. I beat myself up over what ifs. But time heals a lot of things, hopefully this. I wish you the best of luck and you can email if you have specific questions. Hope I can help. :0)
LOL,
Rhonda

[admin]

Natalie,
Congratulations on making it this far. I know several of us that are being turned down by attorneys every which way because of the lies in the documentaion.

Stay strong, every now and then somebody wins justice for our kids. Maybe you will be one of them. Just remember that if you lose, it's not the end of the world. You still have a beautiful baby. Don't let losing drag you down and cause a serious depression.

And who knows, maybe the doctor will settle the day of the trial.

[admin]

Natalie,
We had a week long jury trial. It was not pleasant, but I survived.
Did I invite my family and friends, no
Do I wish I had, yes (the more support, the better)
Did you get to tell the Dr. how you felt, only if your attorney asks you that question on the stand.

Did we win, YES

I was floored as some of the stuff the Dr. said but I had a chance at the break to tell our attorney what he was lying about and it all worked out OK.

Do not be timid or afraid, the jury will see that.
Tell the truth! Never lie, if you don't remember, say I don't remember
When his attorney is asking you questions, look at him straight in the eye don't shout, just answer loud enough for the jury to hear. If you are to quiet he will keep asking you to speak up and it will look like you have something to hide. (practice in front of a mirror so that you know what you are going to do). Don't let him shake you up. At the trial he started speaking loudly to me and I just kept my voice in the same tone and cont. to answer honestly, he looked ridiculous and the jury giggled at what a fool he was.

After the trial the jury told our attorney that the Dr. looked like he was lying and they didn't belive a word.

Be strong!

I will be thinking about you.

Jean

[karen r]

This is a very serious situation and you have to approach it in a very business-like outlook. You're going to have to be a rock, cool, calm, collected. You CAN do it! You're doing it for your child. This is a business deal for everyone in that courtroom; they aren't emotionally involved the way you are. Your attorney is confident and that is important for you. Just remember: hold your head high; you did nothing wrong. I'm sure your attorney will coach you about your courtroom manner.

We settled a couple of weeks before trial; it does happen. I personally didn't want any family or friends in the courtroom. I didn't think they needed to hear what went on. For me it was very private.

Give each other peptalks, breath, take care of yourselves physically, and walk in there ready to stand tall for your baby.

[francine]

and to that I add something that Bridget told me before my depositions... you need to do two things in times of severe stress

(1) eat good food
(2) sleep good

your body needs to be strong and it will help you keep strong too.

You WILL make it!

[admin]

Natalee, As for how to explain all this to a young child... Our son was 4 or 5 when our attorney set up a "mock trial" to see how random citizens would react to our case in our community. I'm not sure if your attorney has mentioned doing this or not but it seemed to help in my opinion. The other side knows nothing about the mock trial. The "jurors" think that they are actually there (it was set up in a conference room at a local hotel) to decide this case out of court (similar to an arbitration situation). They were told that the dr. couldnt be there and that "her lawyer" (actually another partner in our attorneys firm) would present her case. Anyway...our son had to go as well and when I was questioned he stood with me and we demonstrated what he could and couldnt do with his arm etc. When we went I just told him that we were going to be going to talk to some folks who were going to decide who was going to pay for the surgery costs and such. Told him it was no big deal and to just be honest in what he can and cant do with his arm. My hope was that the less of a deal we made about it the more likely it would be that as he grows he will forget all about it...which at this point...age6 going on 7 I honestly think he has forgotten it. In the end about a third said we deserved to be compensated if I remember correctly. Then our attorney disclosed more information regarding our ob pertaining to why he/she shouldnt have even been practicing...then all but I believe 2 went our way. Those 2 wouldnt vote for us no matter what. They heard how much my husband made and apparently felt it was "too much" and basically said we and our son deserved nothing. People like that will never listen to the facts. In the end, we were never deposed and the other side ended up agreeing to settle. I would encourage you that if the other side makes an offer to take it seriously. Considering our case...several different major factors...and the fact that they never even deposed us I think we probably could have gotten more but we were not willing to risk it for our child. I know people who didnt accept it because they didnt think it was enough and lost at trial. Something is always better than nothing. I dont like to post with my name regarding legal issues even though we are done with our case. I am also the person who posted a week or so ago regarding a friend of mine who is pregant and her ob is currently being sued for a bpi. In that case a lawsuit prevented another injury from happening. You just never know how you may be helping so win or lose know that you are doing the right thing in seeking accountability from the dr. That is a victory...you've done what you felt was the right thing to do. Be firm in your decision. God bless...

[phaliscak]

I don't know if this helps since my case hasn't come to trial yet. We are all hoping it will be over with by the end of this year.

I remember when I first signed in on the board, reading a law section about the defense lawyers don't like the parents saying words such as injury, hurt, pulled to hard... I could probably think of a few more but I don't think they are on the list.

I do have a question though for the parents who did go to trial. Did you re-read and study your deposition before you went to trial? Do you think it's a good idea or a waste of time? Personally I want to be prepaired for trial and since the defense lawyer can pull that out of their hat I don't want them to make me look like fool not remembering what I said. I think it's only fair to have your facts straight.

Did the defense lawyers bring back questions from your deposition? Did you remember?

What about just answering yes or no? no explaining just yes or no? How does that work?

Patty