I am a 35 year old women and I have Erb's Palsy in my right arm since birth. I too am proud of who I am and do not let a day go by regretting my injury-it has made me a stronger person.
My parents and family never blamed anyone and did not get angry. They treated me like a normal kid. I played sports (and still do) and was a ballet dancer for 10 years. My mom did OT and PT when I was younger so that I could use my arm as best as I could. I found that through the years that I primarily used my right arm for everything, i.e. I golf right-handed, when I was a waitress-I carried the tray in my right arm. I write left-handed but then I taught myself to write right-handed, I wanted to make full use of my hand and arm. I never felt different than the other kids. They respected me more because the gym teachers would always say "LeAnne, you can't do that because of your arm..." and off I went and hit a homerun or do the most push-ups! I did get injured more than most kids but I pulled myself together and went back to playing sports. I was not competive because I was compensating, I was competitive when I was born. My mom said that my injury was due to me getting stuck in the birth canal. I fought hard to get out and was an angry, screaming baby because I wanted out! They had to do an emergency c-section and the doctors thought I had more damage because of the lack of oxygen but it ended up only being an injury from the shoulder down to finger tips. My parents were just so thankful that I was a girl and that I was a healthy baby-they already had 5 boys.
I had a friend, who I met through a PT session who had the same birth defect as myself and her parents were so angry and blaming everyone and everything about her injury, that she felt worthless. At the young of 14 she took her own life and in her last letter, she wrote that if her parents could not love her for who she is and was angry because of her birth defect, she could not love herself and felt that she did not belong in this world and she did not want her parents to be angry anymore.
It was the saddest day when I went to her funeral because her parents were blaming the injury for her death that she could not get past it. But I knew that she just wanted to be treated like a normal kid and not the "handicapped" child that her parents always called her.
I understand that parents are angry about these injuries and I get that. There was a point in my teenage years where I was angry too but being a girl going through that teenage thing is not the easiest to begin with. I was angry that no boy would ask me out on a date because of my arm and my dad pointed out that if a boy did not like me because of my arm that he was not a boy to like in the first place. And that I would have lots and lots of dates. And boy did my dad regret saying that
I ended up with a lot of boyfriends and he had to endure the heartaches and angts of those breakups.
I did have 2 surgeries that were MY choice when I was a teenager. I had a tendon transfer to straighten my wrist-my basketball game improved but because of the surgery I get numbness now due to the immobility of my wrist. And I also had my thumb fused together-it used to sit in the palm of my hand and now it sticks out and I keep breaking it. I plan on having surgery later this year to unfuse it so I stop breaking it. I wish I never had the surgeries because yes in the short term it did help but in the long term I am having problems.
So parents, treat your kids normal and they will lead normal lives with their injuries and they will find out what best works for them. They know their bodies, they know their limitations and they know themselves better than you will ever know them. Guide them, be there for them, support them, cry with them when they have pain, cry in private because of their injury. But do not make them feel different than eveyone else because they sense that and I believe that is more damaging than being teased by a kid.