ANYONE HAVE TROUBLE WATCHING BIRTH VIDEO?

[J'S MOM]

I JUST WATCHED OUR VIDEO, I BALLED I WATCHED THEM PULL ON HIS POOR LITTLE HEAD & SUPER-PUBIC (HORRIFING). I HAVE ONLY WATCHED OUR VIDEO ONCE BEFORE. IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS TO VIEW. ANYONE HAVE PROBLEMS WATCHING THEIRS. I AN SO GLAD TO HAVE IT ALTHOUGH.

[katep]

J's mom,

It was just like that with Joshua's birth video. I remember being *so proud* of that video, until I realized he was injured during the birth (the midwife pulled him out so quickly and efficiently it wasn't obvious that anything was ever wrong). After I realized when and how he had been injured, I felt completely sick about the video. I watched it a couple more times after that, during late night bawling sessions when I couldn't sleep, and then put it away for about a year.

I remember watching it again just before his first birthday. At this point I had started telling him about his birth (sort of a rocking-chair ritual, not like he could understand me yet) and my focus was always how strong and resilient he was, and how he always can be proud of what a little fighter he was, even from the very beginning. When I watched the video again right before his birthday, I wasn't so focused on the act that injured him, but on my pride in my little man for being such a tough guy and overcoming such a rough start to life. My heart still thrills with that first cry, that I am blessed to have on tape, when he finally (after a long, scary minute) declared to the world "I am HERE".

His arrival in this world is something miraculous, and I refuse to let the midwife's mistakes take away from that. It's just one of probably many stupid things he will have to overcome in his life. But I know he will.

God bless you and I hope that you also are able to one day watch your son's video with pride and joy.

Kate

[PeggyF]

I wish now that I even had a video. I was too modest to let the birth be taped, but oh if it were...it would have been so much more helpful for my healing (I think). Not at first, but in the long run.

I agree with Kate; our babies are miraculous and have overcome so much already.

Peggy

[CW1992]

Well, here I go, and Kate - I loved your reply!

I did not have the guts to watch our birth video for a few years after Brittney's birth and when I finally did I just wanted to scream "STOP" stop pulling my baby so hard when I thought that the injury was happening...... "Quit hurting her" - It was SO hard to watch because I knew that at one momemt she was safe and fine and the next moment she was injured and to watch that video made me sick, sad, scream inside, and so on. We don't really watch it now but those times we did were so hard to see. I did everything right before she was born - and to watch that video - it made me sick to my stomach actually because I kept thinking "this is when it happened". I feel like Kate though - my daughter is a tough fighter and she made it!! I am glad that we have that video though even as hard as it is to watch. It helped our case, and she deserves to know about what happened on the day she was born. To me - watching that video is like watching someone you love be in a car crash. I know that my daughter is doing fine but I can not watch the video without crying inside - BUT at the same time I think to myself - look how strong my daughter was, she made it, I have her, and this kid is a fighter!!!
Christy

[Tanya in NY]

I don't have a video of Amber's birth, but I just had to reply to this. I am truly touched by some of the responses by families so far on this thread. It's heartwarming to read that some people are in a place of what seems to be healing rather than hurting regarding their child's injury.

I was just reflecting on Amber's birth in the past few days as it was her 3rd birthday yesterday, and I believe I am in that healing spot. I didn't recall her birth as a sad time or a horrible time, not in the least. I remember the process (as slow as it was to deliver her), I remember seeing all the familiar faces of the staff who cared for me (I worked in the same delivery unit that I delivered Amber in at the time I delivered her), I remember the anticipation and pain, I remember the panic in everyone's face and voice after her head delivered, and I remember Amber's cry at delivery. Then it seems I flash forward to a couple hours later when I was holding her on my chest while trying to nap. It's a peaceful memory as I know I can't change any of it. I know that things could have been done quite differently, but I'm at a place where I acknowledge and accept that I can't redo it and prevent my own daughter's injury. I know that I am at a place where I can strive to prevent other children's injuries. It's okay to be at that place for me. I hope to everyone who posts on this board reaches a place of peace with their child's or own injury. It's extremely difficult to get there. It has been very therapeutic for me.

Best wishes to all for healing and strength.

Tanya in NY
Amber's Mom, ROBPI, 3 years old

[J'S MOM]

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HEART FELT REPLYS. WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO PHILLY FOR AN EVALUATION WISH US LUCK.

[PeggyF]

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

Peggy

[Tanya in NY]

Good luck with the evaluation.

Tanya in NY
Amber's Mom, ROBPI, 3 years old

[BIGJAVSMOM]

I don't have a video, but it is extremely hard for me to listen to my husband and sister's accounts of wat happened from their point of view. Seeing the look of panic on the docs face was enough for me.

Marlyn

[admin]

Kate,

I love your post. I had a midwife too and so maybe connected moreso to your thoughts. I love how you have chosen to focus on your son as a fighter and not a victim. That's great.

I thought by using a midwife my baby wouldn't have something like this happen. I have still to watch the birth video. I watched it once during the first week of Kanaan's life. I wasn't as emotional then b/c I didn't understand the injury and expected it to fix itself within the first six weeks.

I may plan to watch it around his first birthday.

Chrystal